


Letters to A.M.

by aymr



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Canon, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2020-01-05 11:42:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18365300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aymr/pseuds/aymr
Summary: Meredith Grey is a doctor in the US Army. Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd is the head of neonatal surgery at New York Hospital, who is in a very unhappy marriage. One day, she receives a letter from a person with the initials 'M. Grey' from the military by accident, and instead of scrapping it, she writes back.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I know I have another ongoing AU that I'm writing but this idea was gnawing at me for weeks so I had to write it. The few changes I have is that: Meredith went to med school directly after her undergrad. She, Owen, and Teddy all served around the same time.
> 
> Currently, I intend to write ten chapters but that could be subjected to change.

> Dear A.M., 
> 
> Hi, I haven't written a letter in a long time. Ever, actually. So, a friend of mine suggested that I start writing letters to people so I don't end up in a dark and twisty place. Sorry if this is weird but since I don't have any family members, or friends even...I thought I'd want to give this a shot. I'm a doctor, actually. A doctor in the military. I've been in Iraq for over a year at this point and it's hot. There's no air conditioning and it feels like I haven't had a sip of water in a long time. Anyways, I don't really like talking about myself and to be honest, I'm not even sure why you'd write back to me. I mean, your name is on the list - you know, a list of people who signed up for having pen pals or something like that. Anyways, I'm sorry I wasted your time.
> 
> Thank you,  
>  M. Grey  
>  08/14/2006

_Shit._ This letter was clearly not written to her. Though how strange it was for people to be sharing the same initials as her -- and how funny it was that a simple mess up in either the postal code or even changing from 'road' to 'street' could determine the fate of where the letter winds up. However, Addison could not help but to stare at the simple letter written by this doctor... a doctor in the military, how admirable. She smiled, her eyes crinkled -- she wondered how they were doing? Were they safe?

Her eyes looked at the clock, noticing that she would most definitely be late if she did not leave her house in the next five minutes. So haphazardly, she shoved the piece of toast into her mouth, folding the letter neatly and tucking it into the pocket of her coat before taking off for work. 

_It was a big day today._

Well, not really anymore. 

It was supposed to be the anniversary of her wedding. They had been married for twelve years at this point. If their marriage was a human, then their marriage was at the stage of back talking them because of the affliction called adolescence. However, when she woke up, her husband was nowhere to be seen -- not even a note left at the nightstand wishing her a happy anniversary. A part of her wondered if he had forgotten about her already...maybe he did. Whatever, guess it was just another day. 

* * *

"Dr. Shepherd," she looked up at the voice calling out to her in the hospital elevator. It was a colleague and she smiled politely at him before offering him a courteous nod. 

Addison could not help but to wonder about the person who wrote the letter to her -- were they alive? For all she knew, this letter was dated a few weeks ago. For all she knew, this person could've been dead. In fact, she did not consent to the whole pen-pal ordeal -- she wasn't lonely enough to make friends with people she had never met. After all, she had a buzzing social life: her husband, her friends from medical school, and the nurses in the hospital... she was fine. She didn't need any more new friends. She had people who greeted her every morning, saying 'good morning' to her as she walked into her office, buying her coffee, and worshipping the ground she walked. 

Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd was not a lonely woman and she never was one. 

And yet, she could not help but to be curious about the person on the other side of this letter. 

So as she sat down on her office chair, whilst removing the heavy coat off her shoulders, she pulled out the letter she kept neatly tucked in the inner pocket. Changing into her white coat, she put on her reading glasses and read it again. This time, she was noticing the dust that tattered the pages, the way how there was a slight stain of blood smeared on the edges of the page -- did that doctor just save someone? Or did they get a paper cut? She would never know. And the handwriting -- that was  _definitely_ the handwriting of a doctor. This doctor would be awful as a surgeon, that she knew with certainty. After all, poor penmanship in a hospital can cost lives. 

It...It wouldn't hurt to write back right?

So, she pulled out a fresh piece of paper and a pen from that was lying around her desk and began writing. 

> Dear Dr. Grey,
> 
> Hi, hello, hey -- I haven't written a letter since the sixth grade, you know, one of those exercises that people make you write to your future self... unless you count emails. But those aren't really letters, those are much more passive aggressive. Anyways, I'm also a doctor. I'm a neonatal surgeon actually. You know, this was sent to the wrong address but, the person you wrote to had the same initials as me. It's kind of crazy, isn't it? Anyways, you're always welcome to write to me. In fact, I'm starting to think that I could also use a friend too.
> 
> It's my anniversary today and my husband didn't even say a word to me. No post-it, no text message, no email. Nothing. I'm starting to feel pretty lonely, if you ask me. I think I could use a friend, even if you are in Iraq. I could be your friend if you want -- your friend in New York. You can tell me anything, anything that you wouldn't and couldn't tell your friends in the army. 
> 
> Anyways, I think I've rambled on long enough. 
> 
> You're a busy man.
> 
> Take Care, Dr. Grey.
> 
> Sincerely,   
>  A. Montgomery   
>  09/04/2006

"Hey Meredith, your letter's here!" A man in camouflage called out, waving an envelope in the air. His eyes squint from the sunshine and dust that blew into it. 

"Coming!" Meredith threw the ball at one of the guys before running over to him, grabbing the envelope. A brow raised, at the return address written on it. She simply smiled, walking away from them as she tore the letter from the envelope whilst beginning to read it. Her bottom settled down on the ground, the shade of the tent keeping her from squinting too hard at the harsh sunlight. 

Within the first line, she find her smile only widening -- this person was a  _funny_ person. Albeit a little awkward, but definitely funny. However, upon the second line, her brows furrowed. Completely, and utterly embarrassed at all of this --  _the wrong address._ Shit. Fuck. Did she really write to the wrong address? 

So with that thought in mind, Meredith stood on her two feet, pulling off her jacket and wrapping it around her waist. Her dusty white tank top donned her body well as she ran to the guy who handed her the letter.

"Owen." Brow raised, getting his attention as he looked at her vaguely amused.  
"Yes, Meredith?" Owen responded, standing up before cracking open a bottle of beer. "What is it?"  
"Remember when you told me to y'know, make pen pals because I don't have family back home?"  
"Yes. Why?"  
"So...I might have sent it to the wrong address..."  
"Okay?"  
"And that person wrote back to me."

He paused, brows twisting in confusion.

"Uhm, that's great."

Meredith only sighed before shaking her head.

"This person wrote back to me. Do I respond?"

Then he chuckled before taking a sip of his beer.

"Well, I don't see why not."

She blinked a few times, eyes drawn back to the inked text before her as she then not-so-subtly snagged Owen's beer from his hands. Naturally, he protested at the gesture but she wasted no time drinking it, thinking what her next plan should be. Maybe she should stop responding. But... whoever this person was: they were kind. Also, she also had an urge to correct the other -- M. Grey, was not a man. In fact, M. Grey was the most woman of women she had ever met. This was upsetting, just because she was in the army didn't mean she was a man! 

"You know what, I'm going to write back. Just because this..." Her eyes narrowed, reading the last name. "This Dr. Montgomery, called me a 'busy man' and I am not a man. I am a WO-man!"

Owen simply laughed at it, eyes looking out at the desert field as his friends continued playing ball in the field. So when Meredith wasn't paying attention, he stole his beer back and ran off before she could protest. 

Meredith watched, sitting there and pondering as he watched Owen rejoin the guys and Teddy. There was a smile that graced her lips as she watched them begin their game, watching Teddy kick their asses and being all triumphant about it.  _She was happy._ These people were her family. She hadn't known them for a long time, but they were her family. So, she picked up her pen and found a piece of paper in the medical cabinet. She paused for a brief moment, pondering what to write back to this A. Montgomery figure. After all, they seemed nice and she didn't want to come off as a stuck up person for correcting the other on a slight technicality. 

> Dear Dr. Montgomery,
> 
> Thank you for writing back. Really, I mean it. You didn't have to but you still did. You're a surgeon, huh? I'm technically a surgeon too, a trauma surgeon in the military. I guess things do work in funny ways, don't they? To be honest, I still don't really get how this letter thing work. I'm hoping you don't mind me figuring things out. I suppose, if we're going to be each other's friends, we should talk about ourselves right?
> 
> First of all, I am a woman. My name is Meredith. Meredith Grey. I was born in Seattle, and then left Seattle when I five. My mother got a fellowship, that's why. Oh, I didn't mention the fact that my mother is a surgeon too. It kind of runs in the family. I went to school in Dartmouth, and during my second year of my residency I decided to enlist because apparently, I'm not doing enough with my life. So, that's the basic run down of me. 
> 
> What about you? What school did you go to? Why did you become a surgeon? What's your name?
> 
> Hope to hear back from you soon.
> 
> Sincerely,  
>  Meredith Grey  
>  10/02/2006 
> 
> PS: Your husband is a total jerk. If I were him I'd leave you post-its, write you emails, and send you texts. But I'm not, so, I hope he came to look for you. 

When Addison read the letter, she could only sigh audibly. The truth was, Derek didn't come home until midnight. He was working at his practice and doing surgeries all day as well. Funny how they could be working in the same hospital and still not see one another the whole day. In fact, by the time he came home he didn't even want to talk to her. _He was tired_ , he said. But, on a certain level, Addison knew that their marriage was falling apart. 

They hadn't slept in the same bed in a while and it wasn't even a conscious effort. Her eyes narrowed at the thought:  _what happened to them?_ They were Addison and Derek. They were unstoppable. They were Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd, the unstoppable dream team that everyone wished they could be. He wrote her a song for their wedding, a ridiculously cheesy one nonetheless, but still, she loved it. She loved him and she still love him even if it hurt. 

However, there was something about this letter that made her feel giddy. 

_What's your name?_

It was a simple question but enough to have her feel a flutter within her stomach. Come to think of it, it was the first time someone who wasn't Mark Sloan gave a damn about her. So, she smiled. Her back rested against the backing of her bed, her fingers tracing lightly against the ink written against the piece of paper. 

_Meredith Grey._

What a pretty name. So, she folded the letter and left it at her bedside table. It was the first time Addison felt excited about anything that wasn't the birth of a baby in a long time. And she wanted to write back to the other doctor when she was in a more coherent state.

So she turned off the light and fell asleep. 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I'm glad everyone enjoyed this so far. The timeline, is going to be adjusted slightly from the canon Grey's timeline. I aged Meredith up by two years so this would be her going into her second year in the army. So if it doesn't line up with Grey's timeline, I made it that way so it'd make more sense!

> Dear Dr. Grey,
> 
> First of all, I am so sorry that I thought you were a man. Second, a surgeon in the military, that is very impressive. Thirdly, my husband never showed up for our anniversary. He came home around midnight the next day and slept on the couch. But I wasn't surprised. It kinda sucks, but I'm dealing with it.
> 
> You say your mother is a surgeon too? Funny coincidence, my father was a lecturer, a former surgeon too, nonetheless. I'm surprised how much we already have in common, Meredith. Is it alright if I call you Meredith? Anyways, friends. Yes, that's exactly what friends do.
> 
> My name is Addison, Addison Forbes Montgomery-Shepherd. Though I have a feeling that I'll be dropping the Shepherd eventually. I was raised in Connecticut, did my undergrad at Yale, and attended med school in Columbia. I don't exactly know why I became a surgeon but I always wanted to be one. In fact, I remember I would listen to my father's lectures as a kid and while his students were cutting up cadavers, I was cutting up sausages. Mind you, I was very good at removing the casing from the sausage. Everyone then knew, I would be an amazing surgeon. And you know what? They're right. I'm great at what I do. 
> 
> I don't know you well enough but I know, you are doing something great for the world right now. You are a hero, and I wish I had half of your courage. 
> 
> Stay safe.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Addison Forbes Montgomery  
> 10/19/2006

She encased the letter into an envelope, scribbling down the address and her return address on it. Addison's blue eyes stopped, scanning for errors on her envelope. If she was being honest, writing that was therapeutic. Maybe it was because she didn't have the face-to-face confrontation that would've normally deterred her from speaking about her marital issues. Or maybe it was because all of her friends knew Derek, and to speak illy of Derek was seen as a sin. After all, Derek was... kind, romantic, smart, funny, and a gentleman. He was every girl's dream guy, he was the guy that movies were written about. So of course, she couldn't talk about her marital problems with them because her problems would be chastised as first-world problems -- and maybe they were but it didn't feel any less real. 

As a sigh fell from her lips, the idle buzzing of the television in the background played a segment of the news with regards to the Iraq war. In that moment Addison paused, her hand resting against the back of their couch, eyes squinting whilst leaning over to get a better view. Upon the sound of explosions, bombings, and the sound of children crying on screen, her jaw dropped open, her brows narrowed with concern --  _Meredith._ How was she doing? Was she safe?

It felt almost as if she was about to have a panic attack from all this. It was petrifying, thinking about how people are affected by such atrocities in the world. If she could have it her way, no war would happen between countries; no babies would ever die; and most importantly, she wouldn't have to do her job because babies didn't die in her perfect world. Yet, this was the cold hard reality of the world they're living in. The headline " _Clashes erupt between the Mahdi Army and the Badr Organization"_ wasn't exactly reassuring either.

Yet, as much as she would love to keep her eyes glued to the television screen, the sound of the alarm on her phone reminded her that she was a working woman. She had a department to run and she couldn't exactly take a break from it. So, reluctantly, she turned the screen off before taking her purse and running out of her house.

And she hoped to a God she never learned how to pray to that Meredith Grey was alright... that she was safe in the war zone.

Quickly before she was going to drop the letter off at the post office, she pulled it out and scribbled one last line.

> I hope you're safe. Please write back to me when you can. 

Then, she resealed the envelope, dropping it off before entering her car. 

With a sharp inhale, and a heavy exhale she started up the engine of her car and drove off to the hospital. 

* * *

It was the first of the chlorine bombings in Iraq, and the doctors were moving quickly. They had to move quickly, saving the lives of innocent civilians who got caught in the crossfire. Meredith Grey was no exception to this rule. She, was naturally talented. Perhaps gifted with her mother's hands, and honing the natural talent of someone who got a good instinct and didn't fear death even by the slightest. There were surgeries after surgeries, and resuscitations after resuscitations. Frantic doctors moved quickly, people yelling at one another in a playing field with a lack of resources -- they had to move fast, even if it wasn't ideal. Even if there were people bleeding out left and right... they had to prioritize and save as many as possible.

Losing people wasn't something that Meredith Grey was a stranger to. In fact, a day without witnessing death was a day that she should be wary of because, even if nobody died that day, it was the anticipation of waiting that would kill her from the inside out.  _It was a lot to take in._ But eventually, she got used to it because it was her job to save as many as possible, even if it seemed bleak, even if it seemed impossible. 

After hours of her running frantically back and forth between her comrades and the civilians, from compressions to emergency surgery... she was finally allowed a moment of respite. Her body slid against the wall, her bloodied fingers slamming against her forehead as she recalled the death of a child in her arms.  _It shouldn't've happened... not him._ Yet, despite the fact that she witnessed child death almost on the regular... it was never something she could grow accustomed to. 

"Grey," came Owen Hunt's voice as he stood there, his ginger brows furrowed with concern.

Meredith looked up at him, bloody palm prints on her forehead, dirt staining her skin. She looked as if she walked out from the worst battles of her life and perhaps, it was. None of them had anticipated something like this to happen... at least, not to this scale. 

"Owen." She managed, her green eyes locking with his.

He sat down next to her, his eyes narrowing with concern before he pulled out a pristine white envelope from his chest. His brow raised at her, waiting for her to take it. He stayed that way until Meredith finally took the letter.

"I know writing to her makes it easier for you, Grey."

A heavy sigh fell from her lips. She could only manage a faint smile, her head shaking at him before she managed to pick herself up on her feet.  _He was right._ Hearing from Dr. Montgomery did make things easier for her... even if they could only talk every two weeks, and even if they'd only exchange a few mails so far. 

"I'm going to write back to her." Meredith declared before running off into a more secluded room that had a chair and table.

As her eyes scanned the text, her flaxen brows narrowed in response to her husband's actions.  _Who the hell does stuff like that?_ That was all she could ask, that was all she could wonder. However, she felt as if now she knew Addison better --  _Addison,_ it was a nice name. 

"Addison," she uttered the name out loud, feeling the way how it rolled off her tongue. _Addison,_ that was her name. That was the name of the woman who lightened her day when she thought it was rough... that was the name of the woman who wrote back to her despite having no obligation to do so. 

 _I hope you're safe._ Meredith smiled. It was the first time someone outside of the military showed her concern like that. After all, she hadn't heard from her own mother since the day she upped and left her. However, she could sense Addison's worry, so quickly, with no time to waste, she began writing back.

> Dear Addison,
> 
> We're friends, you can call me Meredith. 
> 
> I'm sorry about your husband, I really am. 
> 
> I don't know what to write to you today, I really don't. But I feel like I have to because you're the first person outside of the army to worry about me. It had been almost two years since I joined and no one had ever told me how concerned they were with my safety. So thank you, Addison. Thank you for writing back to me.
> 
> I know you're worried and I'm fine. You're a surgeon, you must understand that we can't save every life... at least, you should. Because, I've been here for quite some time already but I'm still struggling to deal with the fact that children die in my arms every day. I question if I'm good enough to stay here sometimes. So many people had died on my watch and all I could do is call the time of death, and hopefully find out where they were stationed or where their family is from. 
> 
> I really hope this war ends some day because if I'm being honest, I don't know if I'm strong enough to stay here.
> 
> I'm not a hero. I'm just doing my job. 
> 
> I don't know if you still love him or not but he sounds like a crappy husband. I only know two things about him but I think you can do better. And you should do better. Life is too short for you to be unhappy. But, I'm talking as someone who sees dead body. Dead, dismembered bodies around me every day. So forgive me, if I sound a little dark and twisty. 
> 
> Anyways, I wanted to let you know that I'm fine. And I want to hear about your day. Tell me something, anything. Tell me what surgeries you've done. Tell me what songs are popular nowadays. Please, I need something that isn't about the war for once.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Meredith Grey  
> 11/02/2006

"Richard Webber offered me a job at Seattle Grace Hospital. I think I'm going to take it." Declared the man with the nice hair, the soft blue eyes looking at the red head across her office table. Addison's eyes widened, shocked even... her lips trembled, her blue eyes fixated on her husband that sat in the seat across from her.

"Derek... it's Seattle. It's two timezones away." Addison managed, her breath shuddering, her chest tightening at the very thought of her marriage crumbling becoming a reality. 

"I know." He replied simply, his eyes averting Addison's.  
"What does this mean about us?"  
"What about us?"

Addison paused, her eyes looking away. Those blue eyes of her's watering up at the thought.  _This was Derek Shepherd,_ her best friend, her husband, and most importantly, he was her family. They had eleven Thanksgiving dinners as a married couple, and maybe even more as a couple. This was Derek Shepherd, the man who promised to be there for her no matter what. This was the man who once looked at her as if she was his one and only but now... those eyes she fell in love with lost its sparkle. He lost his passion... this was Derek Shepherd, the husk of of the man she fell in love with. 

"Our marriage, Derek. You know, the past twelve years of our life."

He remained silent, his eyes still averting her's.

"Do you even love me anymore, Derek?"

Another moment of silence.

"Of course I do, Addison." A droned replied elicited from his lips.  
"Can you say that looking at me?"

And he doesn't. Instead, he pushed himself out of the chair and walked towards the door. 

"I'm moving to Seattle after Thanksgiving."

Then, just like that, he left her office.

"Derek Christopher Shepherd!" Cried Addison, the soon-to-be divorcee. Tears ran down her cheeks, stinging her eyes as she could only bury her face into her knees. 

Yet, through her peripherals, she noticed a letter sent from the military base stationed in Iraq. Frantically, she opened the letter and started reading it -- because if anything, she would hope that Meredith's safety would give her a peace of mind... even if her marriage was falling apart before her very eyes. 

But of course it wasn't all sunshines and rainbows. After all, the other woman was in the military... naturally, she would have to witness a lot of casualties. However, she couldn't even wait another minute to write back -- she needed to hear from the other woman as soon as she could because Addison wasn't sure how she was going to get through the next month with the upcoming Thanksgiving meal or the fact that they were most definitely going to file for divorce soon.

> Dear Meredith,
> 
> I'm sorry to hear about that. You did the best you could and that's all people could ask for from doctors... that's the least we could do: offer everything we can until we can't figure anything out anymore. 
> 
> I really wish I could tell you something nice about my day but I can't. My husband came into my office telling me that he's going to move to Seattle after Thanksgiving. Can you believe him? We were married for twelve years and yet... he's willing to throw it all away. I know, my marriage was failing but I was hoping it would work out. It really looks like I'm going to have to drop Shepherd from my last name soon. 
> 
> Meredith, your letters have been the only things I've been looking forward to since I wrote back to you. I... I feel safe telling you things. Maybe it's because we never met before or maybe because you don't know my husband or my friends but, it's comforting writing to you. It feels as if we've known each other forever, even though it's only been a few exchanges. You know what, if you have a CD player at the army base, I attached a CD of songs I listen to while I operate in the OR. 
> 
> I know, it's corny but... maybe you'd have fun listening to the songs on there. I don't know. But I want you to have it. 
> 
> Anyways, I have some administrative work that I need to do. But I hope to hear back from you. 
> 
> You are important and ten times braver than my cowardly husband.
> 
> Sincerely,  
> Addison Forbes Montgomery  
> 11/16/2006

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Grey. You got something from the girl you've been writing back to."  
"Oh, Addison's letter came?" Meredith quirked a brow, caught in the middle of practicing some sutures on her ripped pants from two months ago... okay, maybe she wasn't practicing. Maybe it was an attempt for her to sew things back together. "Thanks, Teddy."

The taller blonde woman sat next to her, watching Meredith trying to sew back her pants. "Meredith, are you... using sutures to sew your clothes together?"  
"I'm practicing my technique!" She protested, her eyes looking at Teddy's and narrowing when she started laughing. "Stop it! And give me my letter."

With another fading chuckle, she finally gave Meredith the letter and it was accompanied by a CD. Both of them raised a brow, casting an idle gaze at one another, then back at the CD. 

"She sent you a mix tape?" Meredith nodded at the declaration Teddy Altman made.

Carefully, she opened the package and saw the title "My OR Mix" along with the playlist written on the side:

  1. Yeah -- Usher
  2. She's a Rebel -- Green Day
  3. Hips Don't Lie -- Shakira
  4. How to Save a Life -- The Fray



...and the list went on. 

Teddy and Meredith casted each other a gaze, as if communicating a psychic message before Teddy was quick to her feet, running into the camp and before they knew it, she was back with a battery powered boombox. Quickly, Meredith popped the CD out of the case and put it into the player. Then, before they knew it they were both dancing along to upbeat pop, hiphop music -- some, she had never heard of in her life before and some were throwback to the mainstream music that played either on TV or in her school. 

"She listens to this while operating in the OR?" Teddy yelled as the music tried to drown her voice.  
"Yeah apparently!" Meredith laughed, amused at the idea that a neonatal surgeon, who worked with infants would play something so profoundly profane -- but sometimes, the world worked in funny ways.  
"Doesn't she specialize in neonatal?" A laughter erupted, the beginning of the pants leaving both their lips as dancing, singing along, and keeping a conversation was proving to be a lot for their bodies to handle.  
"Yeah she does!"

Laughter then drowned the music, soon, more people came and joined them in their little dance party -- until, a speakerphone drowned them, caught their attention and immediately, they shut down the music whilst listening to the announcement.  _It was almost Christmas,_ that was what the announcement was about... not that it mattered to Meredith since she and her mother had a falling out after she enlisted. However, everyone was concerned by the fact that she hadn't left her station in literal years -- not even to see her family and she could protest all she liked but then...

"You're going home, Grey. Please." It was the authoritative voice from her commander.  
"But sir --"  
"It's an order, Grey."  
"...Fine. When do I come back?" She asked, her eyes rolling at the fact that she had to involuntarily leave when she had no one to go back to. Maybe it was the psychiatrist that she was pushed to see that told the commander otherwise. Regardless of what it was, it wasn't as if she was being let go or her services were terminated.   
"You'll know. Now, do you know where you're staying?"

It wasn't like she had a choice at this point. But she didn't have an address either, so she looked at the envelope in her hand, then at the CD case she was holding in it then back at him. Finally, she showed him the return address at the top corner of the envelope.  _Sorry, Addison._ Was the only thing she could think as he nodded, almost understandingly.

"Okay, you leave tomorrow with the others. Trust me, Grey. You need the break."

At that, she could only nod. She couldn't protest at his words. They were well intentioned, even if she wanted to stay here and serve her friends -- besides, she had no business back at home. Her mother and her weren't on good terms; her father and her had been estranged for twenty years and more and -- yeah, that was all the family she knew of. Meredith was alone and the only person left that she could even begin going back for was Addison... and she had never met Addison before. Hell, she didn't even know what she looked like -- was she blonde? Was she skinny? Was she tall? Did she have blue eyes? Did she have brown eyes? There were so many questions and the fact that she put down the address of a person that she barely knew was not good. 

So when she finally got the time, she opened up Addison's letter and read it carefully. To be truthful, it did upset her that she was going through so much. The fact that her husband by now had probably left her... did that mean she was spending Christmas alone? Not that Christmas ever mattered to Meredith when she was practically thrown at the Jewish family every year, eating Chinese food with them -- which she now grew to resent as that happened every year because her mother couldn't stop herself from wanting to operate on Christmas... or as she called it grotesquely at one time "donor season." Most of all, Meredith hated how she was going to pile onto Addison's stress... maybe her and her husband had made up by now? Maybe they're planning Christmas dinner -- she shook her head. She didn't want to think about it too hard. 

"Hey, Meredith. You okay there? You've been in there for a while." Teddy asked, out of concern for the younger blonde woman.   
"Yeah I am. He's telling me to go home," she sighed, following by a laughter, laughing at how ridiculous that suggestion was.  
"Well, he's right. You've never went home before." Teddy managed a soft smile on her lips.  
"I know Teddy, but I don't have a home to go home to."

There was a moment of silence, a thoughtful look was exchanged between the two of them.

"You do," Teddy looked at the letter that Meredith was holding in her hand. "She is no doubt going to be alone this Christmas."  
"Yeah... I panicked and I put her address down for where I'm staying," Meredith shook her head, lolling it against the wall. "She's gonna hate me. I mean, I'm kinda dark and twisty."  
"I think you mean depressed and anxious, but those aren't negative qualities, Mer."   
"You really think she isn't going to just leave me to sleep on the streets of New York?"  
"No, of course not. She sent you a playlist for crying out loud!" Her hand raised into the air, a hand reaching and ruffling Meredith's hair. "Meredith Grey, you will be fine. Go, spend Christmas with her." 

A defeated sigh finally fell from Meredith's lip, as she managed a soft smile at Teddy Altman. At their core they were very different people. Teddy was brighter, was shinier than she'd ever be. She was downright gorgeous, talented, but also humble. At first she remembered questioning her competency because no one this pretty should be in such a higher up position than she was but... she remembered their first surgery together and how Teddy calmly walked her through the procedure even though Meredith remembered the adrenaline almost paralyzing her. In that moment she questioned if being a trauma surgeon was really a good idea but, Teddy held her hand after that surgery and eased her worries. Now, almost two years later...  _she was killing it._

"I'm gonna tell Owen," Meredith decided whilst pushing herself off the ground. 

* * *

It had been a while since Addison since last heard back from Meredith. Now, the general expectancy was two to three weeks for the mail to return to her but, she looked at the calendar, it was a month... maybe a little more than that. The truth was, she was worried. A lot of things have been happening in Iraq and she had been following as closely as she physically could. The chlorine bombings, the bombing of civilians -- nothing about either of those was easing her worries. But, she  _wanted_ to know how the other was doing... even if it was just a post it note sent because Meredith was too stressed and tired to write anything coherently. 

But, she waited and looked at her mail and still... nothing. Nothing from Meredith and certainly nothing from her soon-to-be ex-husband. It was concerning and the only person to come over to her house was Mark Sloan... Mark Sloan was there for her throughout everything and he knew very closely about her writing letters to a woman in Iraq. Though despite his support, he had most certainly made fun of her at points.

"Still waiting for the letter from your war wife?" A voice joked at the edge of her office doors. Addison only rolled her eyes at him, looking out at her office.  
"First of all, that's not funny. Secondly, we're not married. Third, I have a husband... for the next month or so, I presume." Her head shook, but she couldn't help but to smile slightly at his remark.  _He always knew how to make her smile._  
"Hey, no judgement here, Addison. Have you asked for any -- ouch!" And there it was, Addison smacking him with the flurry of her patient case files.  
"No, for the thousandth time, no! They look through your letters and what you send. I don't want a bunch of strange men to see... _that._ "

At that Mark Sloan only laughed before sliding a whole box of chocolates across the table. 

"Here, you need this because I have surgeries to do -- giving a woman a new ass!" His stood, hand balled into a triumphant fist before he ran out of her office. 

Mark was Derek's best friend... and now apparently her's too. After all, there were anniversary dinners that she spent with him eating take out Chinese food whilst watching crappy romance movies and romantic comedies. Sometimes, she thought that life would be nice if she was married to Mark instead of Derek... at least he treated her like a decent human being. But, Addison knew Mark's track record all too well... he was kind of a Casanova type guy and as much as she liked having sex -- not that she had been having any lately -- she couldn't possibly be with someone who had the potential to cheat on her... and, he had cheated in the past on his past girlfriends before. Oh, how many great women she had to cut out of her life because Mark Sloan couldn't keep it in his pants. 

As she contemplated writing a follow up letter, her pager went off, causing her to scrap that idea altogether. Quickly, she sprung out of her chair and ran out, rushing to the NICU to assess the situation. 

* * *

It was a long flight, and Meredith didn't feel social at all through it all. After all, the thought of going back to the US was a lot for her... even if she wasn't going to see Ellis Grey. Even if she wasn't going to ever see her father who didn't even want her apparently. It was a part of her past that she didn't even know if she wanted to carry with herself. During the time in the air, all she could think of was her conflicts with her mother -- her angry pink hair she got in high school to piss her off, the way how she drank her way through her undergrad... and when her mother told her to reconsider medicine, she almost did. Except, going to med school was something that pissed Ellis Grey even more because it wasn't Meredith succumbing to her wishes. 

When she enlisted, she left all that behind... her life of being a general surgeon who walked in her mother's shadow. Her life of eventually transferring to Seattle Grace Hospital because that would've been what was best for her. Truth to be told, she was having a good time doing her residency in Hopkins. Met a lot of new people and very kind people who encouraged her to do something for herself... and to be honest, serving her country was the last item on that list. But, she was convinced when a trauma surgeon told her she was very good at it. For the first time in a long time she was told that she was spectacular at something her mother wasn't.

Thus, it was compelling and before she knew it, she was enlisted. 

But, as she set foot on the American soil that she hadn't set foot on in almost two years, the surrealism of her past came rushing at her. Her world felt as if it was spinning -- the sight of people in the airport holding up signs for their loved ones overwhelmed her. It was a lot more people than she had seen in a long time, well, people who were alive. Yet, despite the overwhelming overstimulation she took a deep breath and walked out, walked tall with her companions.

They exchanged a quick word of happy holidays before she found a cab. There was a phone in her hand, just so they could contact her in case there was an emergency. She opened the door, with her duffel bag of items. Clearly, she was still wearing her uniform because she was given an abnormal amount of respect from the driver.  _It was dark out._ But, she showed the address on the top corner to the driver underneath the bright light. 

Her eyes looked out at the window, taking in the cityscape and the fact that she'd left her country for such a long time. Of course, there was the idle small talk she'd make with the driver but other than that, she was left with her thought. So, when they arrived, she paid him and got off the cab. 

There she was, standing in front of a beautiful house in Manhattan. Frozen in place, with the duffel bag in hand she wasn't sure how to proceed.  _How the hell would she introduce herself?_ Actually, all of this was so weird -- maybe she should just sleep in the park in the corner... after all, she was a soldier and she certainly could kill someone if she needed to. However, the New York air was too cold for her. Maybe because she was in a desert for the past year and a half... she should just leave. She really should but she couldn't because if the higher ups found out she was being dishonest, it could cause major trouble. 

"Uhm..." Her heart started racing at the sound of a voice discovering her. Her first instinct was to run, and run as fast as she could... but all that was quelled when she heard, "Meredith?" 

Immediately, she looked up, noticing an  _incredibly_ stunning woman standing before her. Meredith could've sworn, if it were not for how dim the lights were, the blush on her cheeks would've been evident. But, she simply managed an awkward smile, raising a hand up and waving at her.

"Yeah... that's me."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the "that" in case you didn't catch on are nudes.


	4. Chapter 4

It had been a long day. Sure Addison didn't have the need to perform as many surgeries as she needed to before she became head, but the amount of people who demanded her specifically was more than usual. Thus, naturally, the pep in her step was lost. In fact, it was a miracle that she could even drag her feet back to her house.  _Derek was gone._ Mark was working or probably talking to the Shepherds since the holidays were close by... and Addison was alone. Tonight was Yule, the longest night... and not that it mattered to her, her family were WASPs and all they could be bothered with was Christmas dinner which was essentially a glamorized Sunday dinner with double the drama -- not that she would know what Sunday dinner was like because her family never had Sunday dinner... Sunday was when her dad was too busy screwing other women behind her mother's back. 

Naturally, it came to her surprise when she noticed a strange figure standing before her. Yet, upon closer inspection she noticed the other was donned in camouflage, a military uniform. Unkempt blonde hair tied in a ponytail, face covered in dirt as if she had not been able to clean herself up in days maybe even weeks. She was short, well, shorter than Addison at least... then, it occurred to her.

"Uhm... Meredith?" She finally raised her voice, the inflexion in her voice signifying a sound of disbelief. So when the other waved, she simply allowed a smile to grace her lips, waving back.  
"Yeah... that's me." Meredith responded with an almost sheepish smile on her lips. "And you must be Addison."

Then, they stood in complete and utter awkward silence, with only feet to spare from one another.

"So... What brings you here?" Finally, it was about time that Addison asked the question. She shifted visibly with some discomfort, half from how awkward and sudden this was but also from how her feet had been killing her all day. But, she  _needed_ to know. After all, she wasn't going to let a stranger in her house... well, not exactly a stranger -- it was complicated.   
"Uhm..." Meredith trailed off, equally as awkward as she tried to search for the other woman's eyes. "It's -- It's a long story." 

And Addison only nodded before taking out her keys from her purse. It was cold and nippy, even for New York and surely they shouldn't stand outside for too long. Even if the circumstances weren't ideal, even if she wasn't too keen on letting a stranger into her house... she didn't want to leave the other woman standing out in the cold and potentially freezing. At least, not until she figured out what the other's intentions of staying were.

"Okay. Why don't we bring this inside," she suggested, her body walking towards the door of her house, unlocking it as if to usher Meredith to trail behind her. By the time the door was opened, the blonde had already caught up to her and slowly, they inched indoors together. 

Upon first impression, Meredith's jaw dropped slightly when the lights turned on. It was big, maybe bigger than any place she'd lived in since college. After all, medical school she was rooming with three other people, in her residency she lived in a trashy bachelor's apartment up until she enlisted and in the army... well, she was grateful she could even be sleeping at all. Thus, when she noticed the elaborate chandeliers, the nice leather couch, the staircase that seemingly cascaded upwards, and the very subtle off-white colour painted on the walls... she was dumbfounded. 

"Uhm, take off your shoes. Put your stuff over there," Addison paused, gesturing at a chair by the shoes. "Get comfortable. Tea? Coffee? Wine?" 

A flaxen brow slightly raised as Meredith haphazardly kicked her boots off before neatly placing them by the door. Then, she removed the coat, revealing a white, albeit a little tattered up tank top. Her arms were toned and defined, nothing particularly muscular per se, but she had a nice structure to them. Despite being a little dazed, she finally looked up at Addison and flashed her a genuine smile.

"Tea would be fine. Thank you Addison."

It was at that comment that caused Addison to smile back at her.  _This wasn't how she expected her to look._ In truth, she expected someone more rugged, someone taller, more muscular even... yet, Meredith in some senses, looked like a malnourished pixie... well, one with very  _well defined_ arms that was. Certainly, upon first glance she wouldn't believe that this woman was in the military but... sometimes, things were more than what meets the eye. 

"Take a seat. I'll go boil some water." With that she moved to the kitchen, filling the kettle with water before flicking the switch to boil. Quickly, Addison joined the other woman on the couch. 

"So, you ready to tell me the story yet?" Hands folded on her lap, a single brow raised whilst she allowed herself to lean against the armrest of the couch.

"My uh... My commander he told me to go home," Meredith started, her eyes looking downward, picking at the bandages wrapped around her hand. She was nervous, and her tense body language showed. In this moment she'd look anywhere but directly at Addison. However, she owed this woman the story if she even wanted to stay. "I tried to get out of it because y'know, I don't have family here and whatever. But he said he was concerned and told me to take a break... so, I caved. He asked me for an address and I panicked and now..."  
"Now you're here?" At that comment, Addison straightened her back, leaning more towards Meredith's end of the couch. 

She only nodded as a heavy sigh fell from her lips. It took almost everything within herself to search out Addison's eyes. 

"I'm so sorry. I-I had no choice --" then upon the hand on top of her's, she froze. Meredith noticed how Addison inched closer, and before she knew it the distance between them were closed... they were sitting side by side.   
"I get it. It's okay. You can stay for as long as you need, Meredith. I have a spare room. You can use it."

See, Addison wanted to say something else but her gut spoke first. She knew she couldn't leave this poor woman out and alone... especially when she didn't have family, especially when she was in such a precarious situation like this. Besides, this was what Derek deserved for leaving her like this -- if he couldn't be in this house then she was going to have Meredith Grey as company. 

"I'm just... I'm glad you're safe," Addison sighed, letting go of the other's hand as she mustered a sincere smile on her lips. "You didn't write back for awhile and I was worried... worried I scared you off with my music choices." 

That, erupted a laughter causing Meredith to shake her head.

"No, I appreciated it -- well, everyone did. Because for once we weren't trying to liven up  _Africa by Toto,_ even though we weren't a) in Africa and b) it wasn't going to rain any time soon." A sigh fell from Meredith's lips as she thought about the way how Addison's CD was like a breath of fresh air. All of them were dancing, and for a brief moment, she remembered, everything was alright. "...and, if I'm going to be completely honest, a glass of wine would be nice. I've been drinking beer like water for the last year and a half, I'm really craving some wine and tequila." 

A chuckle fell from Addison's lips, her head bowed before she stood on her feet again. "On it, I'll get us a bottle of both."

"Thank you, Addison." 

So far, it was going surprisingly well. She hadn't been kicked out of her house yet, she hadn't said anything questionable yet to have the other woman put her in a psych ward... so far so good. If she could keep it this way for the next week or two, then, everything was going to be alright... unless her husband decided to come back from Seattle like some sort of Christmas miracle or something. Therefore, as she was waiting, her green eyes looked around some more. There were pictures on the wall, trophies, degrees put on display --  _Yale University,_ right that was where she did her undergrad. Then, there was a framed photo of three people laughing in their graduation gowns... one of them was Addison, that she knew but there were two other guys in that picture. At that, Meredith could not help but to wonder which one of them was her husband... or if any of them were her husband at all. 

"Red wine and tequila for Major Grey," chimed Addison Montgomery as she moved over to the couch with two bottles and two glasses in her hands. After she placed the on the tabletop, she settled down on the couch right next to her. "So, what do you plan on doing for the next while you're in New York?" 

"I don't know..." Meredith trailed, receiving the glass of red wine Addison poured for her graciously. "I've been to New York once in my life... but that was because my mother had a complicated procedure she needed to do and she couldn't leave me at home."   
"Okay... I'll see if I can get a few hours off tomorrow and I'll take you around. Though, it is only a few more nights until Christmas so everything's going to be a little crowded." Addison chuckled whilst pouring herself a glass of wine. She didn't drink until she saw that Meredith took the first sip.   
"...You don't have to. I'm not really here because I want to be." At the offer, her nose scrunched but Meredith could only laugh softly to mitigate how awkward she was feeling. "But thank you for the offer, Addison."   
"You don't want to be locked in this house all alone, trust me --  _I know._ " There went Addison's glass of wine, her head shaking. It was true, this house carried a lot of unpleasant memories that she wished she could forget... even if there were moments of joy here, most of that had been overshadowed by the her marriage that was going to crumble apart any moment now. Perhaps, Meredith was a gift... the gift of company.   
"You could take me to where you work. I'm a trauma surgeon, surely you could use a few more hands on deck." Of course, she was only joking. She could barely be a trauma attending at this point but, she knew she was damn good at it and if anyone asked Owen Hunt or Teddy Altman for references she knew they would write her a stellar one.

"Haven't you had enough trauma for one life time?" Addison laughed softly, maybe it was that second glass of wine hitting her slightly, causing her to make comments she usually would've considered a bunch of times before making.  
"Well, it's the only thing I'm good at that my mother can't do for life," Meredith only laughed back, sitting up straight and looking around. "Do you have shot glasses, salt, and lime?"   
"Yeah, I do -- want me to get them?"   
"Please do."  
"Okay then, sit right there. I'll be back." 

When Addison returned with a salt shaker, a bag full of limes, and two shot glasses, she simply sat down next to Meredith. The younger woman only raised a brow at the whole back of limes... un-chopped, unsliced limes. However, before she could say anything, Addison noticed and she stood up almost flabbergasted. However, Meredith simply wrapped her hand around the other woman's wrist, squeezing it once. 

"It's okay. I got it," from her pocket she pulled out a switchblade, then efficiently, she chopped the two limes into slices of eight and then looked at the other woman, who could've been blushing... she wasn't sure.  _Whatever._ There was a smug look on Meredith's face, as if she was triumphant at the fact that she could see the look of intrigue on Addison's face. Wiping the lime juices off her switchblade with the hem of her tank top, she then safely tucked it away and put back into her pocket. "Shots?" 

"Right... shots." Addison nodded, before pouring two shots worth of tequila into their respective glasses. Quickly, they both took a shot, skillfully with the salt being licked, the shot running and burning their throats, then the bite of the lime. Addison's face visibly cringed. Clearly, it had been a while since she last took a shot of tequila... and it was just as unpleasant as she remembered it to be. "Wow..."  
"Too much for you to handle, Dr. Montgomery?" Meredith chuckled before pouring them another shot, pouring more salt onto her hand. "Ready for another one?" 

And so they did. Then another one... until they stopped counting and instead were having drunken conversations with one another. Actually, they probably also stopped drinking at one point too. 

"I can't believe your husband left you." Meredith shook her head, popping a handful of Lays sour cream chips into her mouth. "That is actually so awful."  
"Hey, I'm not the one who have to watch out for chlorine bombs every day!" Addison protested, stealing the bag of chips back from the blonde, grabbing a handful before shoving them into her mouth.   
"We're not talking about me, we're talking about you."  
"...I guess. He's kind of an ass. See that guy with the good hair? That's him." Her fingers lazily pointed at the graduation photo, the guy standing next to her with his lips pressing against her cheeks.  _Oh, how they were so happy then._ "Well, he used to be nice. He wrote me a song and sang it at our wedding. But now, he left me in New York all alone with his best friend! Who does that?"  
"Your husband, apparently." 

Then, silence fell between them. Addison only shook her head, tears involuntarily falling from her eyes at the thought of being abandoned and how all these years were for naught. They were together for more than a decade, almost two if they were going to include the years they started dating. She didn't like crying in front of strangers, but she had one too many drinks at this point so any filter, self imposed or not were torn apart. When she felt the awkward hand of Meredith Grey trying to decide whether to rest on her back or stroke her back, her sobbing only grew louder. 

"Twelve years, Derek. And he just... _left._ He left me. He left our life. He abandoned me. He didn't even try."   
"Addison I'm so sorry..."   
"No..." Her head shook vigorously, her eyes looking at Meredith's almost intensely. Her fingers resting on the other's shoulders. Tear stung ceruleans clench shut, a shuddering breath drew from her lips as she could only do her best to swallow the tightening sensations within her chest. "I did this to myself. I stopped trying to fix things... and now, he doesn't want to try."   
"It's not your fault..." That was all she could say because she didn't know how else to comfort. 

A sigh fell from Addison's lips, she sat up and straightened herself the best she could, wiping away her tears. A deep breath in, then a deep breath out. Her chest felt a little less tight from it all, but she couldn't believe that she dropped all that on a stranger. So she sighed, her head shaking and most  _definitely_ embarrassed at her own actions. This was something she should've kept to herself, or at least to a letter... which would allow her to sound a little more eloquent instead, she ended up sounding like a sobbing mess.

"I'm sorry -- I shouldn't've."  
"Don't apologize, Addison. That sucks. And whatever... McDreamy over there got going on, it still sucks." Meredith responded softly, reaching over to pour a glass of wine for the both of them as a change of pace.   
"Please don't call him that." Addison managed a soft laugh, her fingers reaching over for the glass of wine before taking a sip at it. "Do you celebrate Christmas, Meredith?"   
"No, not really. My mother worked every Christmas and I was left with the Jewish family next door every year."  
"My family are WASPs, we go to church on Christmas sometimes. Then we have Christmas dinner. You're not missing out on much."  
"I come from a family of WASPs too!" Meredith exclaimed, her body sitting upright and looking directly at Addison.  
"Anyways, wanna celebrate Christmas with me? I have no one. I don't go home and my husband -- well, probably soon to be ex-husband -- is most  _definitely_ not bringing me to his family this year, and my best friend Mark, the other guy beside me is pretty much adopted by the Shepherds. So guess I'm alone this year unless..."   
"Okay, fine. I don't have a choice either. But I don't know the first thing about cooking, so you're going to have to do all the work."  
"Okay, deal." 

And so they spent the rest of the nice talking as the fireplace burned, the log burning until sunrise. There it was, Addison got through the longest night without feeling the dread that she had been feeling since her husband left her for Seattle. If she had to describe how this all felt, the night before felt as if she was going to drown, suffocate in her own thoughts... seeing Meredith Grey was fresh, it was new... like a breath of fresh air after struggling to swim for hours on end. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not a doctor, in fact, I stole part of this from Grey's Anatomy okay.

> December 23rd, 2006.  _Two days until Christmas Day._ One day until Christmas Eve. 

Turned out, being an OB/GYN and neonatal surgeon didn't always have its perks because it was 5AM when Addison was paged by the nurses, frantically telling her that her patient was crowning and needed to be delivered as soon as possible. So, much to her dismay she had to haphazardly leave bed, get dressed -- nothing too nice just in case accidents happen -- and freshen up because last night's drinking had her staying up until who knew how late.  _Whatever._ It was the most fun she had in a long time. Well, it wasn't hard to impress her at that point since the last time she had that much fun was during her wedding day which was... twelve years ago at this point. 

So when Addison had finished freshening up, she ran downstairs towards the kitchen hoping to make herself a quick breakfast. However, before she could, she narrowed her glasses and noticed a completely different looking Meredith Grey. She was...  _clean,_ and dressed. Though, nothing fancy. Just a green turtle neck, a pair of form fitting jeans and her dirty blonde hair let down. She didn't really notice any make up, not that she was paying attention anyway, but... Meredith was still pretty and she didn't notice she was staring until she noticed Meredith quirking a brow at her. When she noticed that, she realized that she was slightly slack jawed too. 

"Uh, good morning, Meredith." Addison cleared her throat as she started the coffee maker, then reaching into her fridge and grabbing two a carton of eggs. "You're up early. Had breakfast yet?"

"Nope," Meredith responded, her legs folded together and her eyes trained on the New York Times, keeping track of any new updates as to what was happening over at Iraq. After all, she worried for them and she wouldn't try to call them unless it was urgent. Resources were scarce and she didn't want to waste their's on a cheesy 'I made it to the US safe' message for all her friends to hear. Besides, they most likely would see her again anyways. It wasn't as if she had any ties in the USA. "Also, jet lag. It's like, noon in Iraq."

"Making some eggs and toast. You want some?" Addison asked whilst heating up the pan, then reaching for the butter and her spatula. Briefly, she turned around, making eye contact with Meredith. 

"I mean, if you don't mind, sure." Meredith responded, then standing on her two feet before walking towards the kitchen. "Is it okay if I get some water?"   
"Yeah, for sure. Have more than just water. There's coffee making in the coffeemaker." Addison simply smiled, her hand hovering above the pan before putting down a knob of butter, watching as it melted before she cracked two eggs into the pan.   
"Thank you, Addison." Meredith smiled whilst grabbing a glass, reaching it over the tap and filling it up with water before drinking it. "Ah, haven't had fresh water in a long time."

The redhead casted her a smile, but then trained her steely blues onto the eggs, shifting and moving them at the right time. Then, the toast was ready just in time before she slid an egg on each slice of toast she made. Quickly, she pushed a plate and utensils towards Meredith at the kitchen island. 

"Here, it's a simple breakfast. I'd make you more but I have to deliver a baby... soon." Addison declared before pouring herself a full mug of coffee in her coffee mug, leaving the lid off for a bit so it could cool off before she started digging into her meal. 

Briefly, Meredith watched the other surgeon before beginning to take the first bite -- then, before she could come to realize or react she was done eating... wow, she really  _was_ hungrier than she thought she was. 

"Okay, I gotta go! There's a pair of keys on the counter. When you leave the house lock the door behind you - okay, gotta run!" Addison called out as she frantically hurried towards the door, stepping into a pair of sneakers whilst stumbling outside of the door. Normally she was a lot more elegant and coherent than this but, there was nothing classy about a woman giving birth at 5AM... those poor nurses, they were probably up since midnight and perhaps earlier. However, Addison knew this woman and she knew that it'd maybe be four hours tops, if everything goes as expected without any real complications.

A part of her was still weary about leaving a stranger in the house. However, if she could trust Meredith with her marital problems that she had literally not told anyone from her friend group except for Mark because well, he was... Mark Sloan, then it probably meant her gut instinct was right. After all, as surgeons there was a need to be confident and definitely a need to trust her gut. So as her commute finished, she simply ran into the hospital, strutting into her office and throwing her stuff underneath her desk before tossing on her white coat. Addison locked the door to her office before running to the room of her patient. 

With one swift movement, she swung the door wide open as a giant smile graced her lips -- she had a whole spiel planned out to inspire the mother in labour however... by the time she got there she was already cursing every curse word possible, screaming the names of every deity she could think of, so... Addison instead moved over and got herself prepped before settling right before her, waiting to catch the arriving baby as if a quarterback catching a football.  _This was routine._ And she was so over it already. Actually, a part of her wished this woman would've waited a few more hours... but the baby operated on their own clock so, it was Addison's job to respect the baby.  

What she estimated would've taken three hours, only took two and a half hours. Perhaps the baby wasn't as big as they thought he was. Regardless, she greeted a new born into this world and there was nothing that warmed her heart more than the sight of a mother holding her child for the first time. So, as she left the room and had the resident fill out the charts, she simply removed her protection and wiped the beads of sweat that fell from her forehead.

 _Damn, she really needed her coffee._ As she realized that she forgot to take her coffee with her this morning. Quickly, the redhead glanced down at her wrist, noticing the time -- 8AM, perfect, this was when the better coffee shop in the hospital officially opened for business. So, she made no haste to make her way towards it. 

"Addison!" A familiar voice called out to her and she simply smiled.  
"Mark. Sloan." She reached out and gave him a friendly hug. "So you're here today, huh."  
"Well yeah, what else does it look like?" He simply teased as he fell into step with Addison. "So, what're you up to today?"  
"Just delivered a baby. Getting coffee. You?"  
"On my way to get coffee too. Have a boob job at eleven. Giving a girl C-cups." He grinned triumphantly as Addison only rolled her eyes.  
"Yes Mark, saving the world one boob job at a time." Of course she spoke in jest. Addison was aware that he did some great work, especially when it came to improving the quality of people's lives. But it didn't mean she couldn't tease him.

As they reached closer towards the coffee shop, he merely leaned closer towards the other woman.

"So, heard back from your war wife yet -- ow!" Addison gave him a jab in his shoulders.  
"How many times do I have to tell you I don't have a war wife!" She exclaimed, almost exasperated. Though, he did remind her to tell him something important. "Though..."  
"Yes, Addison?"  Mark raised a brow at her direction.   
"She showed up at my house last night. We're spending Christmas together." Addison grinned, waiting to see how Mark would respond. Knowing his perverted mind, he was probably thinking of something dirty and she definitely wanted to imprint an image that he couldn't remove from his mind.  
"Oh?" He grinned like Cheshire Cat. "Oh really?"  
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Mark. Nothing's gonna happen." Her eyes rolled.

Just as they were about to step into the coffee shop. Just as Mark was about to make another remark, the blaring PA announcements, the blaring sound of the ambulance caught their attention as people rushed over to the ER. Briefly, Mark and Addison casted a look at one another before they too, followed suite. As they ran over after a series of pagers to the ER, probably because there was a need for a plastics and OB/GYN consult they stopped at as the ambulance stopped. 

"What do we got?" Mark asked, raising his voice as the paramedic began rolling out.   
"Uh... 35 year old female, MVC, tachy 160, BP 80 palp, Decreased bilateral and breath sounds. Oh, and I think she's pregnant!" Declared the paramedic frantically. 

People's eyes widen upon the woman rolled out, as another woman followed -- holding a pen in the other's throat.

"The hell did you do?"  
"I didn't do it -- look at G.I. Jane over there trached her on the field before I got there."   
The woman, revealed herself to be no other than the blonde trauma surgeon, Meredith Grey. Her lips attached, blowing into it and will continue doing that until the lady she found in the park got better treatment.  
"You trached her with an ink pen?" Addison looked confused, but maybe even more shocked that she saw Meredith Grey going that.  
"She's not dead now, is she?" Meredith quipped briefly before moving back to blowing into the pen.

As they rushed the gurney in, Addison's jaw remained gaped and Mark only smirked.

"Pen trach, huh? Hot." He noted decidedly. "C'mon Addison, let's check this out." 

In the trauma room stood the others worked as Meredith Grey leaned against the window, watching them operate. Her brow furrowed, not exactly approving the approach the residents are choosing. Immediately, she turned over to someone in the attending's scrubs.

"Hey, you need to let me scrub in. I'm a trauma surgeon and if you keep letting them run amok like this she is gonna --" ah, the telltale sound of coding. "Okay, give me privileges okay? Now!"   
Immediately that attending scrambled, and grabbed the chief of surgery. They exchanged a look, he seemed to have known her and quickly gave her a pair of attending scrubs. Without another minute to hesitate Meredith threw them on in front of the surgical staff.

"Okay people move! You, charge the paddles! You, page OB, she's pregnant. And you, page cardio. Okay people we don't have time, she's coding!" Delegated the blonde in her commanding military voice, her hands grabbing the paddles as she hovered over the staff doing chest compressions. "Clear!" 

 _Thump!_ The paddle went. The monitor still flatlining.

"Damn it..." she cursed under her breath. "Charge to 300! Clear!"

 _Thump!_ Heart beat came back. Bad new it was in V-Fib.

"Damn it, v-fib!" Meredith threw put the paddles down before grabbing a scalpel. "Okay we're gonna need to drain some blood. You get me a tube and where's cardio and OB/GYN?"

"Hey, I came as soon as you paged..." Addison ran in breathless, before quickly noticing that it was Meredith except her blade was cutting open another woman's chest to drain the blood and before Meredith could turn over Addison  _did_ want to approach her.

Finally, Meredith's job was done with the arrival of the cardiothroacic's surgeon. So with one deep exhale she lifted her head and noticed Addison. For a brief moment she flashed an awkward smile, their eyes casting a lingering gaze before she stepped beside her. 

"Pen trach, huh?" Addison raised a brow.  
"Hey, didn't know any better option, okay. Trauma's quick and dirty you work with what you got." Meredith protested before moving to walk away. "Anyways, go do your consult." 

After things have died down and the case was taken care of, the chief of surgery came to approach Meredith.

"Well, if it isn't Meredith Grey! How are you?" He asked, big grin on his face.  
"Dr. Dawson. It's been a while." She simply responded before removing the scrubs. "Thanks for letting me scrub in, by the way."  
"Of course. I know you're a good doctor and it only appears that you've gotten better over the years."  
"You flatter me, sir."  
"Don't 'sir' me, please. We're not in the military."  
"Sorry, force of habit... _sir._ "   
"How long you staying here for?"  
"Just past Christmas."  
"Ah, well. Enjoy your stay."

Then, they parted ways. So she stood there, assuming it would be the polite thing to do... to wait for Addison. However, another company decided to join her.

"Meredith Grey." Mark Sloan declared as he stalked closer to her, a very pleasant smile on his lips.  
"Yes...? and you are...?" A brow raised, curious but also wary of the stranger walking close to her.  
"Mark Sloan, plastics!" Her offered his hand at her and she simply took it, and shook it.  
"Nice to meet you, Dr. Sloan."   
"Just call me Mark. I've heard all about you from Addison."  
"Addison, really?" Now, she was  _definitely_ intrigued.  
"Didn't know her war wife was quite the -- ow!" interrupted a shove from Addison against his arms.

Now, the red head caught the blonde's attention, an evidently amused smirk on her face as she watched the two banter.

"Sorry Meredith if he was being weird or whatever I swear he's a nice guy--"  
"It's fine, Addison. I like him." Meredith reassured, and Mark only smiled triumphantly as if to gloat.  
"Your war-wife has  _GREAT_ taste in men!"  
"Don't you have a boob job in fifteen minutes?" Addison reminded and for a minute there, Mark almost looked surprised.  
"Right. I'll see you around, Grey?"   
"See you around, Mark." Meredith simply chuckled until he disappeared from their line of vision. 

Now, it was just the two of them and there was a moment of awkward pauses between them. Neither of them willing to break the silence... then, Meredith looked at the older woman.

"War-wife?"  
"Ignore him."

Meredith smiled, almost amused at how flustered the poised and composed Addison Montgomery seemed to be after she mentioned those two words. 

"You did send me a mixtape."  
"Okay, that was a CD and if you bring up those two words again I will kick you out of my house, Major Grey." Addison hummed, with a slight menace in her words.  
"Alright, whatever you say, Dr. Montgomery." 

Finally, Meredith reached out and tugged at the sleeve of Addison's white coat. 

"Come on, let's get some lunch. It'll be on me. C'mon, McPouty."  
"McPouty? Really?"  
"Yeah. Why? Want me to call your something else?" Meredith teased as they began to walk out of the hospital.  
"Yeah, duh."  
"Okay then. Mark is... McSteamy."  
Addison raised a brow, not denying...  _that title_ for Mark Sloan.  
"That guy with the nice hair in your photo is McDreamy."  
"Please, don't."  
Meredith chuckled at that response.  
"And you are..."

Her eyes looked almost contemplative, looking very intensely into Addison's eyes. She leaned forward, leaning closer to take a better observation. At that moment, Addison could've sworn she might've blushed just a little bit until she noticed a coy grin on Meredith's lips.

"I guess you're McHottie, then." She finally decided.  
"You really think so?"  
"Do you  _not_ think you're drop dead gorgeous?"  
"...You have a point." 

And so they walked to lunch together. It was actually nice for a change. Meredith bought her brunch, had a few mimosas and cleared the rest of their day. They didn't really do much together but wandered around New York City with Addison and her camera, snapping pictures of the blonde by all the tourist attractions... before they knew it the day was over and they were back at Addison's house. 

When they walked in, the redhead noticed a suspicious looking file folder at her feet. So she bent over, picked it up and opened it. Then, her eyes widened before putting the paper down on the countertop.  _It was the divorce papers... sent from Seattle,_ and it was already signed, courtesy of Derek Christopher Shepherd.

"Hey Addison, what's up? Are we not gonna watch Christmas movies or--" 

Then she paused, noticing the other woman being rattled. Meredith stood there for a second, contemplating what her next moves should be.  _Should she comfort her?_ But she wasn't very good at that.  _Should she ask?_ But did Addison want to answer her questions, that was another question. So whilst she stood there paralyzed by decisions, Addison had cleaned herself up before cracking open a bottle of wine.

"Uhm, I guess I'm officially dropping Shepherd from my last name." Her voice, was not connoting any instances of joy. In fact, it was quite the opposite. She was deeply melancholic. "I can't believe it's over... twelve years of marriage."  
"Addison..."  
"No... It's okay. I'm fine. I'm free, right?"

If that was true then, why was she crying? Why was her voice breaking? And why the hell did she end up on her kitchen floor, barely coherent with a bottle of red wine in her hands? She didn't understand and neither did Meredith, really. 

"I'm gonna call Mark Sloan."  _Because he was her best friend._ He'd know what to do.  
"Uhm --" Addison reached her hand out to grab Meredith's. "Don't. Don't call Mark. I'll tell him myself... just not now."   
"Okay..." Meredith managed a tight lipped smile, her hands tucking into her pockets as Addison removed contact.

An awkward pause hung between them until Addison pulled herself up. 

"Anyways, wanna watch Elf?" Addison asked, a brief smile gracing her lips.  
"Yeah... let's go watch Elf." Meredith nodded.

And then they moved over to the couch as Addison set up the movie for them to watch. 


	6. Chapter 6

> December 24th, 2006. Christmas Eve.

The truth was, Addison Montgomery was never huge on Christmas. Sure, she enjoyed Christmas and all the gatherings that occurred on Christmas – or at least the idea of it. However, the truth was she only ever liked one person in Derek’s family and that was his youngest sister Amelia. Amelia and Addison went way back. They had fun. She would storm out, and Addison would follow frantically and then before they knew it, they were at the closest Taco Bell or Popeyes eating junk food instead of pretending that Nancy’s casserole was delicious even though she probably didn’t bother putting salt into her food.

But for once, she felt a genuine feeling of excitement for the holiday. Maybe because it wouldn’t be so dreary since spending it with Derek’s family, his mother Carolyn, his sisters Kathleen and Nancy… Liz was okay, and Amelia usually ended up leaving halfway anyways. However, this year she was left to her own devices with Meredith Grey. Typically, she would’ve taken this as a sign to start anew since she didn’t want to go to Connecticut, especially with The Captain, Bizzy, and Archer being there since Christmas for her father was also the day where he decided to have kinky Christmas light sex with his secretaries… that was a memory she wished she could repress but she simply couldn’t.

“Is there something you want to do for Christmas?” Addison asked, her eyes peering over at her companion who was too occupied with the television screen. They were playing an episode of General Hospital, and Meredith was amused by the lack of accuracy depicted on screen.

However at Addison’s inquiry, she simply shifted her emerald gaze onto the redhead settled beside her, giving her undivided attention. For a brief moment she looked ponderous, almost adorable, if Addison had to say so herself. Maybe it was how thoughtful she looked, maybe it was the way how her green eyes lit up with the preoccupation of her question. 

“I don’t know. Never celebrated Christmas.” Meredith shrugged, a slight frown knitting between her brows. Addison realized the concern etched onto her face when Meredith’s features morphed into something that looked apologetic following by a sigh to clarify, “I mean. I did. When I was like a child before my mom took me and ran to Boston. But I could barely remember it.”

Even if Addison didn’t celebrate Christmas, there was something melancholic about Meredith’s recalling of her childhood. Perhaps it was tragic, just like her’s. Instead, Addison dealt with mistresses and lying for her casa nova of a father, hiding the fact that he was screwing other women by feigning excitement at the prospect of getting ice cream with him. On Christmas, it was awkward family dinners and maybe a trip to the church so they could still claim to be good Christians even though she was certain that her father broke the basic principles and expectations of Christianity on a regular basis.

The silence hung between the two: Meredith’s attention drawn to the screen once more; Addison’s thoughtful cerulean irises pivoted itself to take a momentary glance at the other woman at least until she noticed her watching her. It wasn’t with any creepy intentions or any ulterior motives but rather, she was contemplative. She was curious about this woman’s life story. How much did she really know about Meredith Grey? How much did they really know one another? She couldn’t help but to fixate on those questions as if her mind was a broken record player.

“Addison?” Addison noticed that she was in a trance as she snapped herself out of it, noticing the soft features on Meredith’s face.

“Hm?” A not so subtle flush graced her cheeks when she noticed that tentative smile on Meredith’s face. _No, you can’t. You just met her._ She repeated to herself, as if it was a mantra, as if it was a commandment that she must adhere by.  
“Are you okay? You look a little…spacey.” Meredith remarked, their faces were awfully close to one another and if she was any closer… they could just –

“Uhm, yeah! I’m good just… thinking.” Addison quipped, quickly pulling herself away from the other. She cleared her throat, mustering an awkward smile before taking in a deep breath. “Been thinking about how this would be my first Christmas without him in a long time… that’s all.”

Not true. She was thinking about kissing Meredith Grey and if she said that aloud she would surely be deemed as a madwoman. After all, she didn’t even know this woman. She was still married for crying out loud… not that she ever had positive representation for what a perfect marriage would look like to begin with. Still, she would at least try to respect the sanctimony of marriage… even if it was hard – even if she hadn’t felt wanted, nor kissed anyone in a long time.

But goodness, with Christmas inching by the prospect of her keeping those vows in tact only became harder and harder – especially when Meredith Grey walked around her house wearing nothing but that black tank top that hugged so closely to her frame. Sure, her breast sizes weren’t anything spectacular, but that didn’t matter because she could see the definitions of her abs, she could see the way how her arms flexed when she did pull ups by the door frame, or how defined her glutes were when she did her routine burpees. She was hot, she was kind, and most important, she was there.

Oh, but she really shouldn’t. She really shouldn’t even think about kissing her because for all she knew, Meredith Grey didn’t even like girls. Sure, in college there was an ongoing joke about how all the jockey women were all secretly into women themselves but that was college. College was the place to make those jokes. College was a place where people were discovering their sexuality. For all she knew, those women could all be straight now – or simply just more into men.

But it was never that way with Addison.

In fact, the month before she went to med school she remembered how she and this girl in the club had touched –

“Addison? Are you alright? You’re a little red.” Her eyes widen, looking at Meredith’s green ones. Her hand was on her forehead, checking Addison’s temperature and at that, she could only blush deeper. _This was dangerous._ She swallowed, debating if she should pull away or if she should screw her morals and lean in for a passionate kiss.

“I uh – uhm –” she stammered, much out of her character to lose her elegance nor her poise or composure. Yet, she could only stare at Meredith Grey, feeling her body freeze and unable to move away. “I…I’m fine. Just a little _warm_.”

At that Meredith simply nodded, standing up and moving into the kitchen. When Meredith left her space she finally allowed herself to sigh. Perhaps relieved at the fact that she was no longer faced with an ethical dilemma.

“Have some water. You seem thirsty.” Meredith grinned, passing the glass to the older woman; Addison graciously accepted, mouthing a word of gratitude before she started to sip at the contents.

“Have you considered Mark Sloan?” At that question, she choked on the water and Meredith only came over to her side, her face latent with concern. “I’m sorry. Don’t know why I asked.”

“Uhm, no. I just wasn’t expecting… _that._ And what do you mean?”

“Have you ever considered dating him?” Meredith asked, and Addison could only burst out laughing as if the idea of ever being in a committed relationship with Mark Sloan was ever plausible.  

“Mark Sloan will screw any one that has a pulse – so no, I wouldn’t date him. Have I thought about sleeping with him… that I have. But that’s because I’ve spent too many anniversaries with him, too many awkward dinners with him, and he watched ‘The Notebook’ with me at some point. So yeah, I thought about it.” Addison rambled before taking a huge gulp from the glass prior to slamming it back onto the coffee table surface. “Sorry, you didn’t ask for all that detail.”

“No, it’s okay. I was just wondering because I think you two would be good together, that’s all.” Meredith hummed, her back sinking into the couch as Addison only raised a brow at that idea. If she was being completely honest, she would be lying if she said a part of her didn’t feel dejected when Meredith expressed that she was occupied with the prospect of pairing her and Mark Sloan up.

“…Do you have anyone you’d consider dating, since we’re on this topic?” Addison queried, her eyes looking out at the door waiting for their food deliveries since none of them could cook a huge Christmas feast for the love of them – and quite frankly, Addison wasn’t in the head space to attempt making a turkey again.

“Yeah. Uhm, there’s Teddy.” _A guy,_ Addison presumed. “I don’t think she’s into me that way though. But she’s pretty. She’s kind. Though, I don’t think we could date… she’s kinda like my family.” Meredith’s nose scrunched at the thought, and Addison only leaned in a little closer to signal her interest. “Then there’s Megan, my friend Owen’s sister. She’s really cute. Though, I think she has a brother complex if I’m being honest. Finally, there’s Nathan. He’s kinda serious, but he’s a good guy and I’d trust him with my life.” 

Then, a pause hung in the air between them. Addison made no comment, instead she took her time to process the newfound information she had received. _Meredith Grey liked women._ She found herself fixating on that thought. Maybe knowing that she liked women made things worse because at least if Meredith Grey was straight, she could brush it off – but she wasn’t. In fact, she was very much like her: a woman with the capacity to be attracted to other women.

“It’s okay, I get that it’s kinda weird that I like women. It’s okay. I get it— “

“No Meredith,” Addison interrupted, shaking her head and laughing slightly. “That’s not it. And you’re not weird. It’s not weird. I like women, would you say that I’m weird?”

“Actually – “

“Don’t answer that.”

They laughed, then gazed at one another. They were close, their foreheads were touching. They were happy for a moment. Maybe that was why when Addison felt an impulse to pull Meredith into a deep kiss she fought it off. Maybe that was why she simply smiled and stood up, clearing her throat as she looked at her phone for the alerts to tell her that pizza, chicken, or whatever they decided to impulsively order during Christmas Eve was coming.

However, instead of staying put, Meredith simply followed Addison, waltzing towards her general direction as she stood beside her. Her green eyes looked at Addison’s blue ones and in that moment, Addison felt as if they were having a staring contest with one another. Being unable to break away from Meredith’s green ones, she could only feel her will becoming brittle. With each passing second, the magnetic force between the two of them only grew stronger as she could feel herself being lulled towards the blonde woman. Their lips were almost touching. Meredith’s breathing was steady against her skin, and yet… she hesitated once again.

Her eyes looked down, she smiled apologetically at the blonde as she reached for the notepad behind her as if to mask the attempted kiss as her reaching for an object within their proximity. However, Meredith didn’t take her sorry excuses. Instead, she felt the blonde’s firm grip around her wrist – and by sheer force of will, she had to look her in the eyes again.

“Addison.”  
“Meredith.” She breathed, her breath hitching when she heard the way how Meredith spoke her name. “Don’t. I’m sorry – I shouldn’t’ve I’m –“

“Kiss me.” Addison twisted a brow, confused, she blinked.  
“Excuse me?” She inquired, a soft gasp escaping her when she felt herself backed against a wall.

“I said, kiss me.” It felt like a command because it was irresistible. She could only fixate her eyes on those lips – they had been calling to her all day and she desperately wanted to, but she shouldn’t. “You’ve been giving me that look all day. And I’m convinced, if you keep looking me like that you’ll just drive me crazy.”

“But…” Addison trailed off, but losing her train of thoughts as she felt Meredith’s body pressed up lightly against her.

“But…?” Meredith parroted her in the form of an inquiry.

“I’m married, Meredith.” She protested, albeit weakly.

“Until after the holidays, I know. But you were the one who was looking at me like… _that._ And now you have to be responsible for your actions.” At this point, Addison couldn’t tell if she was being playful or serious and she didn’t want to take her chances.

“It’s still adultery.”

“You’re religious?”

“…no. I’m not. But— “

“How many women do you think he’s screwed behind your back? 

That inquiry caused Addison to pause, causing her eyes to dart back and forth whilst she contemplated that real possibility. It was true, he was gone and he had been gone for longer than she could remember. It was very possible that he already found someone else. Besides that point, they were supposed to be divorced before Christmas and yet, all Derek did was procrastinate – but to be fair on him, so was she. They were all scared to end something they had for the past almost two decades… it was hard, but they’ve made their decisions and they were going to be officially single once the papers were processed.

“I get it,” Meredith pulled back slightly. Her eyes looked soft, as if understanding the dilemma that Addison was having. “I don’t want to be the woman to break up a marriage or something. But I know for a fact that your marriage was long over before this. So, Addison – why are you punishing yourself?”

 _Punishing yourself?_ That question rang in her mind. Her eyes narrowed, thoughtful almost. Meredith Grey had a point. Their marriage was over, so over and it didn’t matter what they both chose to do. In name, they were already single – it was just a matter of legality so unless she was planning on marrying Meredith Grey, which, wouldn’t be possible since they legally _cannot_ be married to the same sex here. Thus, it wouldn’t do her any harm if she allowed herself to indulge in something fun.

Besides, Meredith was going to be gone in a few days and she could pretend like this never happened.

But, before she could make a move there was the telltale sign of the doorbell – the sound of the delivery people coming all at once. So frantically, she paid one after another whilst handling the boxes for Meredith to hold. Finally, when they were gone she let out a heavy sigh.

“Okay, let’s set the table – actually, would you be offended if we just ate in front of the TV with whatever it is they’re playing play in the background?” Addison suggested as Meredith only laughed softly. “I’m taking that as ‘yes,’ you’re okay.”

Without another word, Meredith moved the pizza box and the bucket of fried chicken towards the living room table. Addison went into the kitchen, reached for a bottle of champagne and champagne glasses as well as paper towels just in case something bad was going to happen.

“Do you wanna pop the champagne bottle?” Addison smiled at Meredith, who had her eyes widened.

“Actually…” Meredith trailed off, looking obviously uncomfortable by the situation. “Could we maybe… not pop it? Could we drink something else?”

“Oh, yes… of course.” Frantically, Addison nodded before going back to the kitchen and replacing the bottle of champagne with a bottling of red wine. “How’s this?”

“Perfect,” Meredith smiled gratefully at the other woman. “Thank you, Addison.”

So, they sat on the floor, pizza in hand, TV programmes playing in the background. Sometimes they spoke, sometimes they didn’t. Most times they were pre-occupied with the food in their hands because the fact that they almost kissed was gnawing at Addison and she didn’t know if that was something they spoke about or not.

“When did you realize you liked girls?” Meredith asked, clearly, they were both starting to feel the wine in their systems. They weren’t so drunk they couldn’t spell their names, but drunk enough that the inhibitions weren’t as strong as if they were sober.

“College. I had a really pretty TA and I would stare at her… a lot. Then at the last day of class, I kissed her and we had sex in my dorm room. It was actually pretty disappointing,” Addison shrugged. “But it wasn’t nearly as disappointing as some of the boys I’ve slept with. You?”

“College. I hung out with girls who frequented frat houses. Actually, I pretended that I was in a lesbian relationship with a girl so a guy would leave her alone and we made out in front of them – then before you know it, we were screwing in the basement of the frat house.” Meredith chuckled, taking another sip of wine, then another bite of the drumstick in her hand.  

Finally, after having all the food in front of them demolished, Meredith only hummed with much satisfaction. Addison only smiled at how _pure_ her smile looked on her face – it was quite the sight to marvel and she felt lucky that it was just the two of them here.

“Mmm, I’m stuffed. I haven’t eaten dirty, greasy, fried chicken in almost years. Thank you, Addison you’re amazing and I love you.” Of course, Meredith didn’t mean it like _that._ Addison should know that but still, she couldn’t help the way how her heart fluttered slightly.

“Thank you for spending tonight with me. It means a lot to me.” Addison responded. It was true. She hadn’t felt this happy on Christmas Eve since years ago… this was the first time in months that she had genuinely forgotten how sorry her marriage had turned. 

Her eyes met Meredith’s again, gazing at her almost lovingly. Perhaps it was filled with the gratitude she felt towards the woman for being a source of comfort, perhaps, it was because she felt as if for the first time in so long she met someone who understood her – that wasn’t Mark Sloan – and that, gave her a sense of security. Their eyes locked, as if they couldn’t take their eyes off one another.

Then, her hand was resting against Meredith’s cheek. Addison felt tense, her fingers shook slightly. But before she could think too hard, her eyes closed, their lips touched… before she knew it, what was an idle fantasy had become a reality as she felt the warmth of her lips radiate against her own. What was one tentative became more confident with each movement, with each kiss that was exchanged. Addison only gasped for air, breathless at the way how Meredith kissed her back, breathless at the fact that the other’s fingers were tangled in her scarlet tresses, tugging at her ever so slightly.

Finally, when they pulled apart, her arms were wrapped around Meredith’s neck. Their eyes mutually flutter open and Addison only smiled at the blond-haired woman, and Meredith smiled back at her. They stare for a brief moment, until the quiver of Addison’s lips were quelled by her nipping at her bottom lip.

“…let’s take this upstairs.”  
“Agreed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Debating if I should write the sex scene or not because that would involve me changing the ratings. Please let me know if you wanna see them have sex haha.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally have sex!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They have sex in this chapter. There's some emotional bits but otherwise nothing super important, just them, having sex. Not 100% proofread, will get around to it eventually.

One would think with this pent up sexual tension built up between the two of them, they’d be ripping each other’s clothes off before they even reached the bedroom. But instead, they only held each other’s hands in silence whilst walking up the staircase. With each step they took, Merediht could feel her heart racing quickly. Was it nerves or was it anxiety? She wouldn’t know because she didn’t want to know. So, when they reached Addison’s bedroom, she felt her heart almost drop.

The last person she slept with died the day after. Then the person before had a painful amputation. And the person before that was supposed to be fine but died from internal bleedings a few hours after they had sex. At this point Meredith Grey was convinced that she was the grim reaper: anyone who slept with her was doomed to die.

“Hey,” Addison smiled at her.  
“Hey.” Meredith barely managed to smile back at the other woman.  
“You seem…thoughtful.” It was a statement coloured with concern through the furrowing of her brow.

Meredith stayed quiet, her eyes contemplative as she thought about if this was the right decision. She was, sitting on Addison’s bed, she knew that and she knew that walking out on her would be the wrong move to make. After all, this woman gave her a place to stay. This woman was going through a difficult time – and she didn’t want to add onto that. She was beautiful, gorgeous, and kind. She deserved better. She didn’t deserve Meredith and her sea of troubles that came with it. Sure, Meredith knew that this was a temporary arrangement because she had to go back to Iraq soon. She had to finish her service and –

“Meredith?” That was enough to snap her out of her trance. Her gaze snapped away from the floor and at Addison instead.  
“Sorry…” Meredith managed a soft smile.  
“Is something wrong?”

The answer to that question was always yes. There was always something wrong. There was always the looming thought of her friends being dead by the time she went back. There was always this looming thought of her mother still being disappointed in her, even though she did her medical residency in a great place like Johns Hopkin’s or how that she was literally making a difference in the world. Of course, no matter what she did it didn’t make a difference between she wasn’t the two time Harper Avery Winner, Ellis Grey. 

“No, I’m fine.” Her lips pulled into a mirthful smile, a fragile reassurance for the other woman.  
“Okay.” Addison smiled, her hand resting against Meredith’s face, as she began to lean in for a kiss. Maybe it was the anticipation building from within Meredith but she saw how it happened in slow motion, she saw how Addison was leaning in and how her gentle blue eyes closed as she readied herself to make contact with Meredith’s lips.

Then, all at once, their lips collide. Her eyes closed almost blissfully as the other woman’s fingers threaded within her honeyed blonde tresses. Addison smelled like roses and wine, a gentle fragrance that lingered on her body; Meredith was entranced. With each passing second of their kiss, with each grazing of their tongues, with each moment they decide to deepen their kiss – she was starting to feel as if she was going to lose control… and that terrified her.

But when she heard the soft moan escape from Addison’s lips, it felt as if any thought or doubts were erased. In one fluid movement, Meredith came to straddle Addison’s lap, eliciting a soft chuckle from the other woman before gently easing her down into the mattress. Pulling their lips apart briefly, Meredith Grey was rendered breathless by the way how Addison looked beneath her.

The way how her lipstick smudged, the way how her neatly groomed auburn tresses were slightly messed up, and the way how she just looked at her with those intense ocean blue eyes… and her fragrance: Meredith was intoxicated. Her fingers came to weave itself into Addison’s hair, tracing her fingertips along the surface of her head, touching the skin of her neck, feeling the older woman shiver slightly beneath her touch. 

“Meredith…” She said her name so tenderly, so gently. Her hand reaching for Meredith’s face, and the blonde woman only leaned in, feeling her hands against herself. “Meredith.”  
“Yes, Addison?” Smile grew onto her lips, her green eyes softening at the sound of her name rolling off Addison’s tongue.  
“Are you gonna screw me or not?” Addison almost deadpanned, the faint smile on her lips could not be contained and she only burst out into a soft fit of giggles when she noticed how shocked Meredith looked.  
“Uhm…” Meredith reached a hand to the back of her head, scratching it almost sheepishly before a heavy sigh fell from her lips. “Can I confess something? And I’m not saying this because I’m a touchy-feely kinda person. I’m saying this because it’s been gnawing at me for some time and you might as well know this. Just in case.”

“What is it?” Addison asked, concern knitted into her brows, and the furrowing of her eyes as she sat up, dislodging Meredith’s position.  
“Everyone I sleeps with, dies.” Meredith sighed heavily, but the notice how confused Addison looked. “No, I don’t have any STDs, in case that’s what you’re wondering. But…”  
“Meredith, look at me.” Addison beckoned, her hand still resting against the younger woman’s cheek. Her eyes were soft, her arms resting against Meredith’s hips. “I’m not gonna die. I’m not in Iraq. I’m gonna be just fine.”  
“I know but…” Her gaze cowered, a heavy sigh fell from her lips. “I just don’t want something bad happening to you.”  
“You underestimate me grossly, Grey.” Addison chuckled before pressing a soft kiss against Meredith’s neck, pulling her into an embrace, holding her tightly. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to die. I’m very tough.”

Meredith shook her head, her eyes closing at the thought of watching those people die before her – sometimes, they didn’t even get to say goodbye. It wasn’t that she was in love with them or anything but, it didn’t change the fact that she hated watching people die. The war had changed her in ways that she wished it didn’t. Sometimes she wished she didn’t enlist in the army because if she didn’t, at least, she wouldn’t blame herself for why other people were hurting. Meredith Grey in college, in medical school, in Europe, wouldn’t had cared if people cried because of her or if someone got a sex related injury because of her – but the war changed her. Now she couldn’t even bear the thought of how it was because of her reckless behaviour that caused those people to have a reaction, which could’ve invariably induced in their deaths: there was only one common denominator – and it was her, Meredith Grey.

“I’m the common denominator, Addison. I’m what they have in common before they died. I watched two of them die before me. I don’t want to—“  
“Meredith Grey. Nothing’s going to happen to me. I promise you. I’m sorry that it happened to you… it must hurt and I’m not going to pretend like I understand what you’re going through but… it’s not your fault.” Addison said softly, her embrace drawing in tighter.  
“…You sound like that shrink I was forced to see,” Meredith chuckled, shaking her head in defeat.  
“Well, that means I’m right then… right?” At that Meredith only laughed before weaving her fingers into Addison’s hair, feeling her beneath her fingertips. God, she wished she could stay. She wished she could have more time – but, she had a life to go back to and so did Addison.

“You win, Montgomery.” Meredith admitted before gently lowering Addison against the mattress again. Addison only chuckled at her actions, her long fingers intertwining in Meredith’s honey blonde hair, tugging at it ever so slightly, pulling Meredith’s lips against her own.

Kissing Addison was like second nature. Meredith knew exactly the rhythm to kiss to, knowing exactly when to bite, when to tug, and when to deepen their kiss with each telltale moan that Addison elicited. Her dextrous hands moved along the slope of her body, feeling the shivers and the subtle movements of the other woman’s body beneath her hand. At every gasp of her breath, Meredith could only feel her movements become more frantic because before she knew it, she unzipped that red cocktail dress that hugged Addison’s form so well and was in the process of tugging it off without any restraints.

“Need help?” Addison chuckled as she tried to sit up, but Meredith only gently pushed her down as she managed to remove the dress from her body. At that, Addison only laughed, “Wow, feisty aren’t we – oh… Mmm.” 

Her fingers dug into the material of Meredith’s tank top, clenching on tightly as the blonde woman’s fingers slipped behind to undo her clasp whilst her lips still attached to Addison’s neck, kissing and nipping at the nape in hopes to elicit some more of those sweet noises she wouldn’t stop making.

With one smooth movement, she removed her bra, her lips moving lower along her jugular, kissing against Addison’s soft skin. She could feel Addison’s fingers tangling into her blonde tresses, she could feel the gentle tug and soft groans of pleasure when Meredith’s hand roamed along and cupped her breasts. Her touches were affirmative, but tender, her tongue leaving wet trails along her skin, gently sucking on Addison’s nipple – feeling the way how the older woman’s body jolted at her touch, and how the way she spoke her name sounded like music to her ears.

Her vacant hand moved lower down the expanse of her body, gently toying with the band of Addison’s panties, debating whether or not she wanted to remove the item of clothing. She could feel the way how Addison was arching against her touch, how her hips jerked as her finger tips toyed lightly against the fabric whilst her lips only left wet trails of kisses along her torso – then, she sat up, flipping her hair out of her face.

“Meredith…” Addison whined, her hips arching into the air, almost as if she was mourning their lack of contact. At that Meredith simply chuckled, whilst coming over to start removing her panties. “Is my suffering amusing, Dr. Grey?” 

“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think, Dr. Montgomery?” She chuckled, throwing Addison’s unfairly, long, and dainty legs over her shoulders as she peppered soft kisses in between her legs.  
“Hey that’s rud—oh!” A gasp, her hand coming immediately to cover up how loud she was being but as much as she tried to suppress the noises she was making, she couldn’t.

Especially not when Meredith Grey was stroking her clit with her tongue. Especially not when Meredith Grey looked so hot in between her legs. Like a mantra, she was moaning the other woman’s name, her fingers balling a handful of blonde tresses into a fist. Her legs shivered, quaked with each movement – with each teasing stroke against her. It had been too long since Addison remembered having sex this good, and they barely even knew each other to begin with. 

“Oh God—“ Addison groaned, her toes clenching, her hips jerking with every movement Meredith so skillfully delivered. With every stroke, with every indescribable sensation that was boiling within herself. Her legs wrapped around Meredith’s shoulders, only hoping to pull her in closer – then, she moaned her name again when she felt Meredith pumping two digits inside of her. Almost instantly, did she clench around the other, feeling the way how she was still navigating her body and when she did find the spot, Addison only called out to the God she never believed in.

Meredith’s breath was hot against her. She could feel the way how the other was pumping her fingers, how her tongue felt against her – with each subsequent movement, with each flick, each stroke Addison could only feel the heat within herself flare up more, the tension within her groin growing and growing until – 

“O-Oh… Meredith – God…!” Moans fell from her lips, her hips jerking, her walls clenching tight around Meredith’s fingers as they continued to stroke her until she fully rode the waves of her orgasm.

At that, she was simply breathless. Her hair messed up, splayed across the bed as her body only glistened in the slight tint underneath the light. Upon that visualization, Meredith only climbed atop, hands finding Addison’s wrists and pinning them against the bed before going for a deep passionate kiss, moaning at the prospect of Addison tasting herself against her tongue.

Managing to wiggle one hand out from Meredith’s grip, Addison began to slip that hand against the other woman’s crotch, unzipping the fly of her black skinny jeans before attempting to tug it off. At that, Meredith only chuckled against her lips, before she let go and started wiggling out of those leg prisons of her’s. However, that moment of slippage allowed for Addison to roll her over, and before she knew it, Addison had her pinned against the bed.

“You’re hot, Addison. Like, really hot.” Meredith marvelled, her eyes crinkling at the sight of the older woman hovering above her – noticing how her blue eyes seemed to reflect back her own image, and the way how saturated her irises were… she couldn’t help but to reach a hand up and caress her face. 

“And so are you, Meredith.” She smiled, her lips coming to press a kiss against Meredith’s jaw, then her hand moving to tug on the hem of her tank top. “But this, needs to go.” She almost purred before swiftly, peeling the material off – then, it occurred to her: Meredith wasn’t wearing a bra. At that, she only raised a brow, questioning the blonde woman’s intention almost.

“I… didn’t bring any. The last one I had got burnt. So…” At that Addison only laughed before shaking her head and pressing light kisses against Meredith’s forehead.  
“It’s the twenty first century. I honestly don’t think it’s that big of a deal—“ silenced by a kiss delivered by Meredith Grey, Addison only continued to chuckle against her lips as her fingers wasted no time to move past the other woman’s breasts, and travelled across the expanse of her torso, feeling the defined muscles of her abs – then, she paused at the hem of her boy short underwear.

“What? It’s convenient—“  
“Meredith, you just went down on me. You really think I’m gonna judge you for your underwear choices?” Addison raised a brow before making a motion to signal that she was interested in removing it. At that, Meredith only blushed and nodded before lolling her head away, sinking into the mattress as deeply as she could allow it to. 

So at that, Addison removed it and wasted no time to hiking her hand up along Meredith’s inner thigh, feeling the way how she shivered ever so slightly at her fingers ghosting against her skin. Gently, she dipped her fingers in between Meredith’s legs, feeling her arousal spread with each stroke, each moan she could hear elicit from Meredith’s lips. Addison only locked her eyes with Meredith to watch her, wanting to watch as she groaned softly, as she clenched her fists into the bedsheets beneath them.

“Mmm, that’s hot.” Addison chuckled, her fingers continue to stroking circles against Meredith, as she could feel the way how the other woman’s hips jerked against her hand, and how her hips moved so much that Addison had to subdue it with her vacant hand.

Maybe it was the fact that Meredith hadn’t slept with someone sexually in a very long time, or maybe it was because Addison was just _that_ good. But regardless, she was starting to feel herself build up to a _strong_ orgasm as the tension within her core spread, her arousal almost dripping down Addison’s digits, and the fact that her hips jolted as if they were electrocuted by the waves of pleasure. Then, her hips stopped moving for a split second, her core tightened, a wave of heat rushed across her skin – she called out to Addison’s name, her eyes clenched shut, her fists tugging harshly at the sheets beneath her.

When Meredith came down from her high, Addison only smiled, watching the way how the blonde fluttered her eyes open. Then, she gently slide her arousal coated digits into her own mouth, moaning as she tasted Meredith against her own lips. Of course she noticed how Meredith blushed, and looked away in embarrassment but that only compelled her to prolong the act.

* * *

 

Addison had her arms wrapped around Meredith’s body, her fingers lightly tracing against the scars on her body. It was a miracle that Meredith didn’t flinch at that because typically, she would’ve been quick to cover herself, not wanting to explain the origins of each scar – perhaps, it was because she forgot the origins of some. But, Addison didn’t pry and for that, she was thankful.

“Can you believe we did that?” Meredith asked, still bewildered at the fact that she slept with one of the hottest women she had seen in a long time.  
“Yeah… We’re pretty great.” Addison sighed, her hold against Meredith’s only grew a little tighter.

A small smile graced her lips, as she felt Addison’s fingers continue to trace along this one scar she got on her thigh. Flaxen brows furrowed slightly, narrowing at the recalling of it before she came and held onto Addison’s hand. Shifting her body, Meredith turned to face Addison whilst holding her hand.

“I was shot during the first six months I was in Iraq. This bullet wound, I fixed it myself. No anaesthesia in sight – all I had was the first aid kit,” Meredith stated candidly, her eyes locking with Addison’s. Slender fingers coming to stroke the older woman’s face as she only sighed. “I have more scars. Some, were battle scars – some, were reminders of how stupid I was in college, and some were from my childhood.”

Addison only watched her intently, nodding, and listening to what Meredith had to say before squeezing the other woman’s hand a little tighter. Her gaze almost intense from the amount of concern that Meredith could perceive. At that, Meredith simply shook her head. 

“Anyways, I’m cold. You got a blanket?” Meredith chuckled before Addison frantically draped a blanket over them. “Actually, you want me to sleep here or…?”  
“Stay, please. I’ve been sleeping alone for almost months now. Some company would be nice.” Addison sighed, shaking her head slightly as she came to wrap her arms around Meredith’s form.

“Okay. I’ll stay.” She managed a soft smile. “But I’ve been told that I’m not a quiet sleeper.”  
“I’m here, okay? I’ll be here.” Addison reassured.  
“Thanks, but that’s not what I mean – I mean, I get nightmares too, definitely but that’s not the concern,” Meredith chuckled before tugging at Addison’s hand, feeling the other woman’s nose nuzzling against her. “I mean, I snore.”

At that, Addison only laughed softly before pulling her closer.

“Trust me, I’d take that over deafening silence anyday.”  
“Okay, whatever you say, Doctor.”

Then at that comment Addison only rolled her eyes before coming to turn the lights off.  


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update, in truth I was struck with a terrible case of writer's block. This isn't exactly something I'm proud of but it got me out of the slump. I have two more chapters to wrap up this ficlet and hopefully it'd be a satisfactory ending. I know exactly how it is going to end I just need to make sure I get there. Anyways, enjoy and thank you for the reviews!

Tree after tree, sky after sky. It all came flying in a flurry of white and for the first time in a long time, she had seen snow. How surreal it was for the two weeks to have conceded. Emerald eyes fixated upon the scenery, sounds of voices, of music droning – was this all a dream? Meredith Grey fidgeted her fingers. She was going home to her family and she knew that. Yet, she could not help but to question why she felt queasy about embarking this journey.

They sat in radio silence, as if reverting back to being strangers. A wool of scarlet wrapped itself around her neck, a scarf gifted to her by Addison due to her own gross negligence. New York City felt like a fairy tale to her, a mythical land removed from reality. Even though tragedies were inflicted upon the landmarks, it felt almost as if the city had learned how to safeguard itself from the terrors of the world. The battlefield was different. There was marks of crimson, gritty sands, and ichorous soils that marked the soles of her shoes. There never went a night where she did not think about the lives that she lost; she had lost too much even though she had nothing to lose.

Yet, conflict brewed within herself. Her eyes laboured over each minute detail of the streets. The whiteness mixed with the grays of the pavement, the people screaming gross profanities at one another, and the sound of crossing lights all lingering within her mind.

* * *

 

“Merry Christmas, Addison,” she murmured against her ears, softly in the basking of the morning glow.

Their bodies pressed flush against one another: Meredith was smiling from ear to ear and for the first time Addison looked at peace, serene even. Lazy limbs tangled with one another, as if they had known each other’s bodies for a long time, as if this wasn’t the first time awake after an amorous affair spurred by spontaneous passions. As if their breaths synchronized in each other’s presences, as if their heart beat at the same pace – for the first time, neither women feared anything; as if there was not a single care in the world.

“Thought you didn’t celebrate Christmas?” Addison chuckled. There was an air of playfulness in her voice and her teasing only to be silenced by the nip against the back of her neck. _Meredith Grey was playing dirty_ and oh, how Addison liked it.

Through tumbles of groans, moans, and giggles it was as if they were youthful adolescents once again. For the first time they discovered what it meant to hold each other, to be close to one another without any inhibitions. Meredith loved every moment of it. Being with Addison had the effect of freezing time – and if she could, she would stay in this moment for the rest of her life in a state of pure bliss without the fear of chlorine bombs or dead bodies.

* * *

 

They were on their way to the airport and all that lingered in her mind was a mixture of Iraq and what transpired over the past while she had stayed at Addison’s house. Meredith Grey was never a woman good with her emotions, most times she repressed it and joining the army seemed to have amplified that. Tree over tree, bough over bough – did New York always have this much greenery? Probably not, and yet the greens were the only objects she could pay attention to.

“Traffic’s smooth today,” Addison finally broke the silence and Meredith only peered over at the woman driving beside her. A meek smile surfaced her lips and she could only nod in response. She hated this, she hated making small talk with someone that knew so much about the intimate intricacies of her emotions. Yet, perhaps that was a fantastical fairy tale land where that could’ve happened and now, she was being handled back into the reality.

Meredith Grey would announce how much she dreaded the return but in truth, she couldn’t. After all, it was all that she could look forward to, it was her only purpose in life. How strange, after living in her mother’s shadows for so long that this was the singular thing that differentiated herself from Ellis Grey. Trauma was dirty, was quick, and messy whereas general surgery required a certain degree of finesse and care. Perhaps Meredith Grey would have thrived in general surgery, but that would mean she would be compared and praised not because of her prowess but rather because of her relationship to her mother. It was cumbersome and she was glad that couldn’t be the case.

“Addison… We don’t have to do this,” Meredith sighed, a certain air of detachment conveyed in her voice as she spoke. “We don’t have to make awkward small talk because we slept together. It’s… probably not going to happen again.”

_Silence._

“I’m going back to Iraq and you—“

“Meredith. I get it. I’m driving, okay?”

And thus she obeyed the commandment of that. The frustration painted on Addison’s features spoke volume and in truth, it was heartbreaking to witness. Half of her regrets the decision terribly. She was vulnerable, her husband just left her and here she came, a woman who only knew her through words that just came into her life like a hurricane. Now, she was going to be gone as fast as she came into her life. It wasn’t fair and Meredith knew that all too well. In her mind she could justify it as meaningless, as if the affair didn’t mean anything but on a certain level, it did mean something.

* * *

 

Her heart fluttered as they sat together serendipitously by the fire place. Hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate, her blonde tresses spilt across Addison’s shoulders. For the first time in forever, she felt safe. If she could, she would freeze her life in this moment. Serenity was a gift that she had learned to cherish since joining the military and she would give anything for moments of peace: peace from the world, peace from her mother’s expectations, and peace from the terrors committed against people who did not deserve grief.

The soft noise of the television droned as the fixture only featured news reporters at Time Square interviewing the anxious, the eager people to await the New Year. Meredith remembered the last time she watched Time Squares on a television. It had been years ago, a few months before she officially enlisted. In New Hampshire, she recalled drinking with her friends in residency – some stupid drinking game they came up with, she couldn’t recall but she recalled the joy in the air and how she kissed her friend before sleeping with him in one of her best friend’s place. Oh, how she missed those days where she could just make mistakes like that.

“Addison…” her name drawled from Meredith’s lips, drawing the other woman’s attention. She liked the name rolling off her tongue, she liked saying her name in slow, gentle manners. Green eyes peered up at the crown of scarlet and she only smiled. “I like you but…”

“Meredith, it’s okay. Let’s just live in the moment for now. We can deal with all that later.” In that moment Meredith could’ve sworn her heart skipped a beat. How tender was the way she spoke to her, how those words easily stirred a youthful sensation deep within herself. If she wasn’t as old as she was, she would’ve called it love – that was what it was right? The yearning to be closer, the over consuming butterflies that build up within her chest. It was nauseating yet satisfying.

But fate was cruel and didn’t let them meet years earlier.

* * *

 

Addison pulled her car into a parking space and they stop. This was it, they were at the military airbase. In that moment, Meredith felt the intensity of the world overtake her. _This was it._ She was going to leave and go back to where she once came from. She couldn’t manage the sinking feeling in her stomach, the knots her stomach had tied itself into. Heavy breaths went in and out of her lungs, and her fists clenched tight at the thought. _Her family was there._ Teddy was there, Owen was there, and so was Nathan. They were her family and she needed them just as how they needed her.

“…We’re here –“

“Addison please, I can’t just go yet.” Meredith announced through shaky breaths. The shock in the other woman’s eyes were as clear as day but she didn’t care and only continued to prattle on, “I can’t pretend like you didn’t matter to me. I can’t pretend like you meant nothing to me. I’m trying, well, was trying but I can’t. You were the first person outside of the people in the army who didn’t judge me and maybe I’m saying this because you’re just as messed up as I am but I don’t want you out of my life.”

“Meredith— I don’t either but…” Her eyes looked ponderous, as if deep in thought. There was an air of solitude that lingered between them until Addison shook her head. “Don’t – Don’t stop writing to me, okay?”

The crack in Addison’s voice broke her heart, as if tearing it to shreds and as if she was bearing the brunt of the pain. It moved her in ways she never expected it to. The brims of her eyes were watering up and so were Addison’s. They looked at each other with teary eyes, and gently Meredith beheld the softness of the other woman’s face, as if burning it deep within the pockets of her memories. Even if one day she became old and Alzheimer’s ridden or cursed with Dementia, she didn’t want to forget Addison ever. She wanted every feature of her face, of her voice imprinted so deep that to forget the world was more reasonable than to forget her.

“Yeah… I will, as often as I can,” Meredith nodded, with the single tear sliding against her cheeks. Then, with a deep breath let out she took Addison’s face into her hands before pressing a kiss against her lips. “Goodbye, Addison… thank you for everything.”

And there she went, as fast as the wind, without ever turning back because she feared if she looked back her knees would grow weak and by the mercy of her heart, by the mercy of her impulses she would run back to her arms. No, she had to do what was right for her mind. Her heart could not rule her and there she was, amongst soldiers in perfect form. Salutes after salutes, she was where she belonged.

She still remembered the way how Addison tasted against her lips. The chaste kissed shared when the New Year arrived, the spark ignited between the two of them. It is anything but innocent but to call it sordid was a disservice to their memory. For now, it felt unforgettable as her body moved on its own and listened to the blurred out voices of the men speaking to her. Sounds of engines revving, the way how the air smelled it all reminded her of her first voyage out. How funny the way how life came in full circles.

“Grey!” Her eyes widen, she gasped at the sound of the jarring sound that knocked her out of her trance.

Immediately her eyes steeled at the man standing a feet taller than her and her back tensed. “Yes, sir?”

“There’s a phone call asking for you – they sound urgent.”

At that she nodded, receiving the phone in her hands. At the sound of the voices her eyes only widen, her brows only furrow until there was nothing but silence and dial tone on the other end of the phone. Eyes ever so ponderous, there she went back into her own mind as she laboured over every detail spoken by the woman on the other end of the phone.

“Grey, is something the matter?” He asked her and she only greet him with a moment of silence.

“A hospital called about my mother. They said she need me, sir.” Meredith responded with an air of detachment in her voice. Her breath was growing shaky, her heart was pounding in her chest.

“I am so sorry to hear Grey – let’s talk in the office and see what we can do…”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i came through before the new year! i hope everyone enjoys this. one more chapter until the conclusion of this series and i want to thank everyone for sitting with me through the months of my sporadic updates.

> Dear Meredith,
> 
> How are you? I haven’t heard from you in a long time. You know, I keep wondering if I should write to you or not. I’ve scrapped this maybe more than five times in the past hour. There’s… just not enough words to really convey what I want to say. I just want to know if you’re safe or not. I’ve been thinking about… _us._ We’re still okay, right? We’re still friends… right? I mean, not exactly _friends_ but you know… _friends._ I know I’m not making a whole lot of sense right now – maybe it’s the wine, maybe it’s not but… Are we okay? Are we alright? I know you have bigger things to worry about – like surviving, saving lives, and ending the war… but I just want to know. It’s been months since I’ve heard from you and I’m worried you know?
> 
> Anyways, if you see this I hope you’re doing alright. Please write back if you can.
> 
> Sincerely,
> 
> Addison Montgomery

Addison woke up with a groan at the discomfort of her displaced body, feeling all the soreness within her neck, her back, and her arms. There were impressions pressed into her skin, faint smudges of black ink smearing across her face as she straightened herself, wincing in pain at the sensations that arose into her body. It was 7AM, and before her was a sealed envelope with a familiar address written atop and her own name written in the top corner. She remembered briefly of what she did and in truth, remembering those events caused an uncomfortable pang to lodge within the confines of her chest.

Within her fingertips she grasped onto the corners of the letter, contemplating whether or not to send it. It was true, it had been months since the other’s departure. Another season rolled by and New York was no longer the frigid landscape of snow and ice that she had grown so accustomed to. Addison had put away her parka and opted for the comforts of sundresses and coats. The flowers that died, the leaves that fell from the branches were returning – and yet, in spite of the cycles of nature, the cycle of her life had been thoroughly disrupted. Derek had left for good, in spite of not filing for divorce, he simply left without a trace. Yet, there she was waking up alone in the morning as she watched the sunrise and the sunset wistfully, wishing for moments to disrupt the monotony of her life. But day by day, she would return home, have Mark Sloan watch a movie with her as they complained about their lives. Was this what she had become? One of those women?

It was hard to digest and yet, every time she convinced herself that she had forgotten the way how Meredith made her feel, she would remember those nights when they would share. All Addison wanted was to feel alive again. All Addison wanted was to have colour in her life again. Yet, here she was, debating whether or not she should send a _clearly_ well prepared letter to a person she held dear to her.

 _Riing! Riiiing!_ Went Addison’s phone as she shook her head, removing herself out of her trance before answering her cellphone.

“Hello? Yes, this is she.” Cellphone lodged between her shoulder and neck, she began to fiddle with the objects before her, as if the phone call suddenly reminded her that she had work to do and that she had to leave her house soon. “Richard,” she halted, her eyes grew wide. “Uhm…Okay. I’ll buy the next ticket out. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Alright. Okay. Take care, I’ll see you soon.”

When the phone call ended, her back fell and sank into the cushions of her chair. She thought about what she just agreed to do. That was Richard Webber, former mentor and friend. That was Richard Webber, the Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace Hospital asking her to consult on a case because she was one of the few in this world who was qualified to act as a consultant for that case. Her cheeks turned red hot, flushed and overwhelmed by her thoughts she planted her palms into her face and dragged them down with a groan of frustration releasing from her lips.

 _Derek._ Derek worked at Seattle Grace Hospital. She was going to have to see him again. She was going to have to see the husband who up and left her without a single word, the very same husband who refused to file for divorce in spite of the fact that he was more than enthused to leave their marriage behind. It was going to be difficult, but she had to. After all, it was her job to save lives even if it meant compromising her own comfort or ease. Addison always hated personal confrontations. Confrontation meant confronting her own feelings and most times she hated dealing with them. After all, for all her life there had never been positive role models for that: Bizzy Forbes wasn’t exactly what she would call the most feeling person she knew. But she made her bed and she was going to lie in it. Thus, she dialled the number for the travel agency to book her the next flight out to rainy Seattle.

* * *

When Meredith Grey was called by her officer she did not expect a call about Ellis Grey. When Meredith Grey explained the precarity of her situation the last thing she expected was to be let go early – an honourable discharge, they called it. Her mother was in Boston and she was still in the state of New York. It wasn’t that far away from one another, but she knew the next move would be because see, Ellis Grey always wanted to die in Seattle Grace Hospital because that was where she was familiar with, that was the place that made her into the doctor that she was. If she could, she would’ve served longer. If she could, she would’ve never returned here because she didn’t know where home was anymore. She had nobody except for her mother awaiting for her near the beginnings of her death… probably.

There she was, in the home she grew up in: Boston, the city of marathons, the city of seafood and so much more things that she couldn’t care less about. Those pictures of her childhood was eerie and unsettling in every way. She could hear the ghosts of her past. She could hear the cry of her mother as she bled on the floor – and all Meredith could do was to call the emergency hotline because she was only a child. Everything about this house was unsettling and if she could, she would leave. Yet, without her mother at her side, this chore of packing only became more of one than necessary.

 _She has early onset Alzheimer’s,_ they tell her. How ironic it was for her mother to have such a terrible disease? How ironic it was for her mother, the woman who treasured her brain more than anything to suffer a disease that slowly ate it away? Between that and the vague threats from Ellis Grey about never letting anyone know about her state… cleaning up her old house was much more appealing than making conversation with her mother.

Thinking about all the logistics involved made her head spin. So she was discharged – now what? She didn’t have a job and god forbid, the last time she worked in a hospital was years ago. The home was already arranged by her mother, who was ebbing and flowing between different stages of lucidity. Meredith could sense that her life was going to be hell. Meredith could detect the tension forming between them already but… Ellis Grey was family and family always stick together even if they had fucked your childhood up, right?  

So she arranged to call Richard Webber, letting him know that she would be interested in taking up a position in his hospital. She avoided and dodged any questions that could concern her own mother – that man, he really did care about her didn’t he? But Meredith was a Grey, the same Grey as Ellis was, thus, it was only natural for her to get her way with him. He told her she could sign her contract as soon as she was ready and she thanked him for being so king to him – he wanted to say something more, she could sense it – but he cut himself short curtly. _Of course._ As if it was his duty. As if he was her father or something – funny, she hadn’t thought about her father in years and yet, here she was thinking about her life that she had spent all those years in the military avoiding.

A week later, she was in Seattle in the house she remembered faintly. The house she was supposed to grow up in, and yet, she couldn’t because her father left her. Now, that house was covered with boxes from her home. That house was covered in dust and she was there all alone – this was some sort of freaky hell and she so desperately wanted to get rid of it. Perhaps she should sell it. Perhaps she shouldn’t. She didn’t know. She had time to think about it right? Whatever. She was here, in Seattle. She had no one. She _knew_ no one and she most definitely did not want to spend her time thinking about her past or lamenting the fact that she was so lonely. Whatever.

It didn’t matter.

People weren’t meant to stay anyways.

Within a few hours she was in a bar, asking the bartender for shots. He looked at her with judgement and she only smiled back.

“Straight tequila?” He asked, doubting her ever so slightest but he kept pouring the shot anyways. “You’re gonna be sorry in the morning.”

“I’m always sorry in the morning. But, tomorrow I start my first day at work… keep ‘em coming.” Meredith laughed, raising the glass to herself before downing the shot.

“Double scotch, single malt, please,” a voice ordered behind her before she suddenly noticed that he was sitting beside her, clearing his throat. Quickly, she looked away.

“So…is this a good place to hang out?” He asked… clearly her and she flushed, clearing her throat to signal her lack of interest in him. _Why does he aggravate her so much?_

“I wouldn’t know. Never been here before.”

“Oh, you know what? I haven’t either. First time here.” He declared, _man he was really getting on her nerves!_ But he kept looking at her like that and she really hated the way how he was making her feel. “You’re ignoring me. You shouldn’t ignore me.”

“Why not?” Meredith dared herself to entertain him, just one last time as she was trying to piece together who he was and why she had this feeling of irritability around him. Maybe it was his arrogance or maybe it was the way he styled his hair – she didn’t know but she _definitely_ wasn’t feeling anything remotely similar to love at first sight.

“Because I’m someone you need to get to know to love.”  
“Really?”  
“Oh yes.”  
“So if I know you, I’d love you?”  
“Oh yes.”

“You really like yourself huh?” she waved the bartender over for two more drinks, as if motioning to order for him too. Ah, the _hair._ The smile – she recognized him! He was the man in the photos in Addison’s house. He was her husband!

“Just hiding my pain.” He declared and in that moment she could see how sombre and sad he looked. How _gross_ of him to act like this when he had a wife at home who was more than wonderful. Ugh, whatever.

Meredith smiled at him, keeping the silence running until she received the drinks from the bartender and before he could speak again, she threw her drink on him with a smug smile on her lips. His eyes widened and oh, he was frustrated at her behaviour. But, clearly, that didn’t stop him. He saw it as some sort of conquest, clearly and tried to go after her. Little did he know that Meredith Grey was a fast runner and easily sprinted out of sight.

He was good and if it weren’t for the fact that he was Addison’s scummy husband she would’ve definitely ended up with his hands down her pants and the other way around. Thankfully, she trusted her sharp memory and instincts on that. But, if that was the case then that would make them colleagues – which meant that she had already made an enemy before even starting her day at the hospital. Whatever. It didn’t matter. She was used to being alone. She was used to being the oddball out and people like the people at her station were exceptions – they didn’t come around often.

When the sun came up again the next morning, she arose without much trouble. After all, she was still slightly jetlagged which meant her body was operating hours ahead. Putting on her old sweater, forest green in its colour and a pair of comfortable jeans she freshened up before eating her cereal and drinking the instant coffee that she found in one of the boxes. Today was going to be a long day and she was going to have one helluva time with it.

That morning she was in Webber’s office and she signed her contract. She was officially an attending trauma surgeon at Seattle Grace Hospital and at that point she pretty much lived in the ER. On the offhand, Webber did offer her a fellowship in general surgery – which, Meredith turned down oh, so very quickly. The last thing she needed was people further comparing her to her mother. After all, she was the prodigal daughter and for her to be even standing here was not an easy feat.

As she left his office, she donned her white coat and walked down the catwalk only to cross eyes with the man she threw her drink at the night before – quickly, she turned her heels and ran but he caught on and followed her all the way into the stairwell.

“Hey.” He called after her and she stopped in her steps. But silent, she remained. Silently, seething at his presence.  
“What.”  
“Did I say something wrong last night because I felt like you and I were getting along?” He asked with that stupid grin on his lips.  
“Look, whatever happened last night I’m sorry but I’m busy. I have an ER to run and you have…”  
“Brains. I’m the head of Neuro.”  
“Yeah, whatever, brains to fix. Now, please Doctor…”  
“ _Shepherd_.”  
“Doctor Shepherd, please get out of my way.” Meredith minced a smile before she found a sliver and slithered past Derek without looking back at him.

Ugh, she hated this already and she wasn’t even close to finishing her shift. Why did her mom have to get sick? This wasn’t fair. This was so unfair. She hated it, she wished her mother was lucid all the time and she wished that she was back in the army because at the very least she didn’t have to think about her feelings all the time since she didn’t have the time to think about them.

* * *

It had been another day at the hospital and she could feel her bones begin to whittle away. Between her busy shifts and her chaotic life, she visited her mom in secret as she watched her brain decay with every visit she went to. In truth, it was starting to grow dark and grim… she really didn’t want to see her mother any more but she had to – it was an obligation. Instead of selling her house, she kept it and got two roommates: George O’Malley and Izzie Stevens, both interns. They were both around her age and matched her criteria of a roommate and dear God, did they aggravate her most of the times. But they were growing on her, plus, Izzie stress baked so there was always something to eat at home.

Things were going well… for most part. She and Derek were slowly becoming friends, amicable even. She wondered about Addison from time to time, but every time she thought about writing to her she had no time and the longer she put it off the more time had pass to the point where she wondered if it was even worth it to write to the other woman. So, there she was at the bar again – all alone with her drink in her hand as she watched her own reflection through it, noticing the fatigue beneath her eyes, noticing how ashen her complexion had turned over the couple of months. Meredith sighed before downing her drink.

“Hey, can I get a vodka tonic.” And in that instance, Meredith could’ve sworn her eyes went wide at the sound of the voice. She turned around, looking awestruck as she stared.

“ _Addison_.” Her words slipped from her lips softly. Her mouth went dry and her heart beat like it had never before. Oh, the guilt!

“…Meredith.” Softly, she returned those words to her. There was a look of shock, a look of betrayal and feelings she wished she could’ve conveyed but she couldn’t.

“Addison I…”  
“Meredith—“

“No… Hear me out. I wanted to write to you. I really _did_. But so much has happened and I now work at a hospital and I’m so busy all the time and I really wanted to write to you but every time I tried I either get paged or I would fall asleep and I’m sorry I never wrote to you I’m sorry—“

“Meredith.” Addison’s hands were atop of Meredith’s, squeezing those calloused hands in her ginger caress. “It’s okay. As long as you’re safe it’s okay. I mean, you could’ve just wrote your phone number or something and we could’ve called or something but – that’s… it doesn’t matter. You’re alive and you’re safe. Now… you wanna tell me what happened?”

The bartender passed the two women their respective drinks before Meredith exhaled a breath she didn’t even know she was holding in. Perhaps it was relief, perhaps it was ecstasy. Whatever it was it sure felt so much better than whatever pressure she was holding in her chest.

“…Maybe not here. It’s a lot and I’m not sure sharing it in a place where most of my co-workers hangout is the best idea,” she laughed softly before taking a sip of her drink.   
“That’s fair. Well, after this drink we can get out of here, then.” Addison chuckled whilst she brought the brim of her glass towards her lips.

“My place is a five minute walk from here.”  
“Your place?”  
“Yeah… that’s also a long story.”  
“If you say so, Dr. Grey.”

With that, Meredith finished the last drop of her drink before turning over to Addison who was close to finishing her vodka tonic. She smiled and nodded towards the direction of the door before paying her tab, leaving the bartender with a small tip. Her coat was hung by the exit and she graciously slipped her arms through the sleeves before ushering for Addison to come along.

The other woman was about to pay for her tab but only to realize that Meredith had paid for it already. Thus, she smiled graciously at the blonde doctor and reached for her black fur coat.

“You’re dressed all fancy tonight,” Meredith remarked with a small hint of amusement in her voice as they left the establishment.

“Yeah… I thought I might run into Derek or something here. Didn’t want to look like I’m miserable or something,” Addison laughed awkwardly.  
“…Oh. Well, you still look gorgeous.”  
“Thanks, Meredith.”

The rest of the walk was met with a comfortable silence before Meredith approached the door of her house and searched for her keys until she heard the familiar jingle, before wiggling it through the keyhole and allowing themselves in. It was a little messy, given the fact she lived with interns and she wasn’t exactly known for being organized but it was still more homely than she could’ve ever recalled it to be.

“You can leave your shoes here if you want. Anyways, my room is upstairs the one furthest down the hallway. In the mean time, you want something to drink? Tea? Wine? Tequila?” The blonde smiled as she kicked off her pair of converse, allowing it to land wherever it chose to land.

“Uh, wine’s fine. Anything, really. I’m flexible.” Addison smiled before she tucked her heels into an orderly fashion by the wall. “You said the furthest down the hall?”

“Yep. Okay, wait for me. Give me a few minutes. Make yourself feel like home.”

Addison’s eyes curiously gazed at the different photos on the wall, noticing each feature of them. She noticed a young Meredith Grey and her family – she looked so happy, as if not a care in the world in spite of the ongoing cruelties that was occurring in the world. She could see the look on her parents – the looks of fake happy. She recognized Meredith’s mother as the prodigy, Ellis Grey, the first and only female resident to have been nominated for a Harper Avery award. She thought about the burden that Meredith must’ve been carrying on her shoulders, and the weight of Ellis Grey’s legacy that she must carry. In truth, she couldn’t understand even a fraction of that but she was able to picture herself in her shoes.

Her body settled atop of Meredith’s bed, her coat off her body as she lie down, looking at the ceiling whilst thinking about her life and the confrontation that she was going to have to face.

“Hey,” Meredith peeked through the door with two mugs in her hand filled with water and teabags. She smiled before closing the door behind them, whilst settling the mugs on the countertop beside her bed. “So I don’t have wine and I help run the ER so I don’t think having a hangover is the best idea either. So, we’re having tea.”

“Yeah, that works for me,” Addison chuckled as she rolled over on her side to face Meredith. “How do you sleep in a bed this big alone? Don’t you get lonely?”

“Are you trying to get me to sleep with you?” Meredith challenged before she sat down on top of her mattress, raising a brow in response to the other woman.

“I don’t need to try. I’ve done that before,” Addison laughed softly as she noticed the rosy colour that rose onto Meredith’s face.

“So what brings you to Seattle?” Meredith finally asked the question.

“Richard Webber asked me to consult on a case and I said yes. I’m only here for a few days at best. What about you? Why are you in Seattle? I thought you left the country.”  
“…” An uncomfortable pause lingered as Meredith stared down at the sheets beneath her, then at the wallpaper surrounding her. “Well, there was a complication and they couldn’t let me back into the force. So I called Richard Webber and asked if he had a job available… and he did.”

Meredith was lying, concealing the entire truth but she made an oath to her mother to carry that secret into her grave and so, no matter how much it pained her that was what she was going to do. What she wouldn’t give to scream the truth out loud, what she wouldn’t give to tell the one person she knew she could trust.

“So you live in Seattle now?” Addison asked curiously.  
“Yep.”  
“You like it here?”  
“…It’s _home_.” Meredith minced a smile before inhaling in sharply whilst finding a way to change the topic. “I met your husband the first night I got here. I didn’t know who he was at first but I found out later because of the pictures I saw at your house – and I, threw a drink at him.”  
“You did _what_?” Addison sat up, her eyes widen with disbelief. There was a nervous laughter that left her lips in response as she raised her brow in confusion. “You threw a drink at Derek Christopher Shepherd? The guy who spends way too much time on his hair?”  
“Yep.” The smugness in Meredith’s voice was evident, as she could barely contain the excitement of exacting revenge on the other woman’s behalf.  
“Wow… and you still manage to work with him. That is commendable, Grey.” Addison laughed before giving the other woman a salute.

“Yeah… Well, we don’t really work that closely so it’s kind of a blessing, if you ask me,” Meredith chuckled as she flopped down on the bed, with her gaze directing upwards at the woman who was now sitting upright.

“You know, I did file for papers. I think I’m just tired at this point of wondering if he would come back to me or not…” Addison sighed before lying back down on the bed and facing Meredith with a sombre look on her face. “I’m just… scared, if I’m being honest. But I’m also tired of fighting for someone who won’t fight for me.”

“…Yeah. I get it.”  
“…Yeah.”

So Meredith held her hand. Words have never been her strong suite but she could at the very least offer her the comfort of touch as they lay there in solace and in parallel. It had been a long time since she had let someone into her heart the way she was letting in Addison, and in truth, it scared her. Who would’ve known that a few letters exchanged between two people would result in this? Meredith Grey never believed in destiny, nor the clichéd natures of one true love but when she saw Addison, she felt a sense of warmth that radiated from deep within her chest. Was this love? She didn’t know. After all, how could she know what love was when she was never shown what love was like? But with Addison, she felt safe.

“When’s your consult tomorrow?” Meredith asked softly.  
“Early.” Replied Addison, albeit a little begrudgingly so.  
“Then maybe you should get some rest.”  
“Will you stay with me?”  
“…Sure. But you need something comfier than _that_ so give me a second okay?” Meredith declared as she sprang onto her feet before walking over towards her closet, finding an oversized ‘Duran Duran’ t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, marked by the Dartmouth label on it. Then she returned to the companion before placing it before her.

“Duran Duran huh?” Addison sat up, taking the articles of clothing into her hands as she noticed the changes in Meredith’s complexion to denote her embarrassment. “Hey, no need to be embarrassed. We all like things that we don’t like now.”

“…I still like Duran Duran, y’know.” Meredith huffed, clearing her throat in response before taking a sip out from her mug, averting her gaze from the other woman. It was true, even if it did harken back to the days of cringeworthy adolescent years – she still would always hold the group fondly and with much endearment.

“Hm… never pegged you as the type,” Addison said candidly as she started unbuttoning her blouse, whilst watching the other woman’s features closely. “But I can see it. Hey, I still listen to The Eurythmics every now and then. There’s no shame in liking dance-rock.”

“Now _that’s_ a surprise,” Meredith chuckled as she easily stripped the sweater from her body before removing her undergarment in favour of quickly replacing them with a conveniently placed sweater from her alma mater. “I didn’t think you liked rock at all.”

“The more you know, right?” Addison laughed before slipping into the t-shirt. “Wow, and I feel like I’m eighteen again.”

“Is that a bad thing?” The blonde laughed nervously, before settling beside the other woman, all changed from the stress of her workday and into more comfortable sets of clothing.  
“That…yes – yes, being eighteen was _weird_ in all sorts of ways. Y’know, just finished high-school, went into university and had my braces taken out for the first time in years. It was… interesting. But, I have a late birthday so when I did leave high school, it wasn’t a good year. Band geek, braces, lisp, and all – oh! I also went to prom with this guy called Skippy Gold and I was forced to talk about Star Wars all night… so mixed bag,” Addison laughed nervously at the thought. She was rambling and watching the way how Meredith’s smile grew wider with each successive word that left her lips was not exactly assuring.

“You went to prom with a guy named Skippy Gold?” Meredith asked, trying her best to contain her laughter.

“…that’s your take away? Yes, I went to prom with a guy named Skippy Gold. I’m only human, I make mistakes, Grey.” Addison rolled her eyes, sarcasm dripping from her words as she noticed the way how the other was giggling ever so softly. At that sight her cheeks turned into the same shade as her hair.

“I didn’t go to prom – but I was also that kid that wouldn’t be caught dead at prom. I wore a lot of black and had the whole angry pink hair thing going on,” Meredith said, as if to offer up a set of information to only make it fair for Addison’s shared humiliation.

“You have pictures?”  
“Good luck finding them. I hated pictures… and I’m pretty sure my mother was too ashamed of me to take pictures of me anyways,” Meredith shrugged in response.

“You never told me your mother was Ellis Grey,” Addison noted thoughtfully. She then noticed the uncomfortable shift in Meredith’s feature before adding on, “I saw your pictures in the hall way. Your mother and you were in them. I… I think I get you a little more now.”  
“Really?” There was both hints of intrigue and annoyance in her voice.  
“Yeah…” Addison flashed her an awry smile in return. “I was never good enough for mine. I get you. You don’t have to say any more, Meredith.”  
“Thank you, Addison.” She smiled softly, sincerely in return.

Meredith Grey was never ready to speak about Ellis Grey. She always loathed the inferiority complex she derived from the unloving hands of her mother. Besides, to speak ill of her in the state that she was, Meredith felt guilty for even thinking those thoughts nevertheless allowing them to be vocalized. How could she voice her disdain for a woman who was suffering? How could she voice her disdain when it was her mother that was suffering?

“I’m turning the lights off now,” Meredith declared before she flicked the switch, dimming her room drastically. She slipped her lissome frame into her bedsheets, wrapping them around her before turning to the redhead. “Night, Addison.”

“Night, Meredith.”  


End file.
